Changing the World Child by Child

Esbehide wrote our FINAL entry. This is
Emma, the daughter of her friend, and she said,
"Although my best friend did not have the
most empathetic parents, he is doing a
great job taking care of this little bundle
of joy!"

            In the last chapter of Roots of Empathy, Mary Gordon summarizes the importance of teaching children emotional literacy. Gordon describes emotional literacy as the ability to discuss and comprehend one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. Throughout the chapter, the author stresses the importance of emotional literacy for not only the person as self, but also for his or her contribution to society. Gordon believes that it is never too late to learn how to empathize and become more loving. She believes that this idea of emotional literacy is essential for social change, and is exactly what our society needs.

            I agree with the first half of the chapter where Gordon discusses the importance of emotional literacy in parents. Children need parents who are understanding, caring and emotionally supportive. Unfortunately, a lot of parents did not receive affection from their own parents as they were growing up, and as a result are not able to demonstrate affection for their children. This leads to an unhealthy cycle of parenting by people who do not possess emotional literacy. I am definitely not implying that every parent should be perfect and completely in touch with their feelings. However, it is necessary to have an emotionally healthy relationship with children, and in order to have a healthy relationship, we must first become aware and comfortable with our own emotions. I really liked that Gordon emphasized the idea that it is never too late for adults to get in touch with their emotions. And even adults who did not receive caring and loving support from their parents can learn to show affection to their children.

            I did not quite agree with the last part of the chapter, where Gordon disputes the idea of fostering competition in children. While describing competitive childhood games like musical chairs, Gordon states, “It is time to abandon the old games and create a game that is fair where no one loses.” She argues that competitive games teach children that there is always one winner in life, which results in a sense of hopelessness within the child. I do not completely agree with that idea. I believe that it is healthy to have a sense of competition. It drives you to strive for the best and to not settle for anything less. I believe that these traits are critical for a person to succeed in the world, and that our world needs people who possess these traits. I understand Gordon’s argument and although she makes very valid points, I do not believe that we should completely abandon the concept of competition. Like Gordon mentions in the chapter, it is very important for children to learn self-worth and self-appreciation, but it is also beneficial for them to learn the good traits of competition. It involves a balance that must be modeled by the parents. After a loss in a child’s baseball game, or any game, it is important that the parents talk to the child and explain that losing does not make you any less of a great person and there is always room for improvement.

            Overall, I truly enjoyed Mary Gordon’s book. Her program is very inspiring and makes a world of difference for children. I hope to hear more about her program and her writings.

Change

Gabby, the author of our second entry on chapter 15, is
pictured here with her sister, Destiny, and her mom. She
is the very cool child in sunglasses.

In Chapter 15, Changing the World Child by Child, Mary Gordon addressed the issue of Change.  Change in society, change in our ways of thinking, change in action, and implementing change with the most powerful tool of all: Empathy.   In our world, empathy is not a word that’s discussed often, let alone understood by the people who do not possess it.  Empathy is our ability to understand and relate to the feelings and viewpoints of others.  It is a quality that is lacking in today’s society.  I agree with Gordon when she says that our world is plagued by war and poverty, and little to no emphasis is being placed on children and the great possibilities that lie within them.  The Roots of Empathy program sees the potential for change in this world through the smallest people that inhabit it. 

This program sees the importance of teaching children to express their feelings and emotions in healthy ways.  Children are our future.  We must provide them with the best future possible, no matter what the cost.  Reading about this program was so enlightening.  I loved the fact that this program has allowed teachers to provide children with this excellent learning experience.  It allows for children to learn the importance of the parent child relationship, and learn positive life skills in the process.  One of the most moving things I encountered while reading this book was the reaction that children had to the baby, and the effect the baby had on children that seemed to be struggling.  Children who had never experienced love and affection were transformed when they had the opportunity to interact with the baby.  To think that some children never experience love growing up is very troublesome.

Growing up, my mom was my biggest role model.  She told me that I should always express myself, and stand up for what I believe in, no matter how “uncool” everyone else thought it may be.  I didn’t understand what empathy was until I got into high school.  Looking back on my early childhood, I was always the little girl in class who stood up for her friends, even if that meant not being part of the “popular” crowd.  One of my earliest memories of this was when I was about 7 years old, and I was participating in Girl Scouts.  At one of our troop meetings, our troop leaders informed us that we were going to have a Father-Daughter Dance, and that we had to bring our dads with us.  Because my parents had just gone through a divorce, I was convinced that I wouldn’t be able to go because my dad wasn’t married to my mom anymore.  My parents later explained to me that their divorce wouldn’t stop my dad from going to my dance.  My best friend, Heather, was also in the same Girl Scout troop as me.  At our next Girl Scout meeting, some of the other girls were making fun of her for not having a dad.  Her dad had never been in her life, and the other girls were teasing her relentlessly about it.  I remember I went up to the girls and told them that it didn’t matter if she didn’t have her dad to take to the dance, because she was going to share my dad for the dance.  When my dad picked me up from my meeting, I remember asking him if he would take her to the dance with us, and of course he said yes.  Heather and I had such similar upbringings that I was able to understand her pain and the hurt that she went through by not having her dad around.  It’s extremely difficult for little girls to grow up without having a positive male figure in their lives.  Although I didn’t realize it until high school, I had become a very empathetic child from an early age.  I was very fortunate to have a mother who was my best teacher and provided a great support system for my sister and me.

Unfortunately, not all children are as lucky as we are.  Many children are born into families who lack the knowledge to properly care for them, and do not know how to enhance development.  Like Gordon, I agree that these families should be provided with the tools to succeed.  If we can’t help them, who will?  Most parents learn their parenting skills from their home lives growing up, and the majority of these parents will go on to parent in the same way.  If the proper tools and information are not provided to these struggling parents, the cycle will continue.  We aren’t just setting the parents up for failure, we are also setting the children up for a struggle that could have been avoided if someone would’ve taken an interest.    If more people in this world took the time to understand how their actions affect the lives and feelings of others, we would live in a more peaceful place.

This book definitely opened my eyes to the possibilities of change.  Many of us assume that older children, unlike young children, have trouble learning new skills like empathy, and the ability to share their feelings.  These are qualities that can always be learned, no matter how difficult of a childhood we may have had.  If we take the time to show children love, we have the ability to change their life.  Children are the key to our future, and we have to pave the way for them and help them become all they can be, which begins in their early years of life.

Changing the World, Child by Child



This is Vanessa, the author of our first entry on our last
chapter. She's with her nephew, who will turn 2 this
month. Vanessa said she selected this photo because "I
adore this little person...and if anything happened to his
parents, I would take the responsibility of making sure this
child has everything he needs, and would give him
unconditional love...As a loving aunt, I would be willing
to do anything and everything to provide for my
nephew."



            When I started reading chapter 15, I immediately reflected back on my childhood. When I was in elementary school, I loved art time. I used to love to draw and paint pictures of my family, friends, and pets. Drawing my house with the sun shining in the back was my favorite type of picture to draw.

           

            Gordon wrote about how children’s artwork will express their character. I agree with this idea. I had a happy childhood. I would use art time to express the world around me; it consisted of my home and loved ones. The artwork of the children I have worked with in the past also expresses who they are and what they like. When I worked with kids at a preschool I loved how creative the kids were during art time. I am one that believes when it comes to art, children should not have limits or guidelines. What for? I feel that it expands their creativity. Whether it may be artwork with one color or multiple colors, the children express themselves in some way. That one color may be the child’s favorite color or that color may remind them of something they love. Or if a child uses multiple colors, he or she might just like all kinds of colors. When it comes to children and their creativity, I believe the possibilities are endless because you never know what they might want to do next.

            Gordon indicated that when parents are incapable of providing their child with the love and support a child needs, it is the society’s duty to take over this position. I agree with the author. If parents should fail with their child, all hope is not lost. I agree with the idea that others can step in and take the role of the loving parent or guardian. If others are not willing to step up and provide for the child’s needs then they too aren’t helpful, just as the parents aren’t. I actually know someone whose mother was there for her. However, her grandmother took over her care when she was a little girl. Though she still loves her mother, I found out she developed a deeper love for her grandmother. In her case it is not that her mother left her or failed to provide for her, because she did, but it was her grandmother who was physically and emotionally there supporting her on a daily basis. Even then it does not have to be a relative that may take over the needs of a child. I think that anyone should be able to help a child in need if in fact they care for the wellbeing of the child.

            While reading this chapter I thought about what I have learned this semester, especially about Vygotsky’s theory.  Gordon mentions, “social and emotional learning is correlated with cognitive learning” (p.221).  When reading this I reflected on Vygotsky’s belief that learning leads to development, especially in a social and cultural environment. Gordon also indicates that how we live should be based on our current knowledge.  This reminds me of Vygotsky’s belief that knowledge is constructed during childhood. The author even touched on universal languages and emotions. This is actually something I recently learned about in another class I am taking. I agreed with Gordon’s information about universal languages. I myself find it hard to express my emotions in that sense. I found Gordon’s paragraph on universal languages to be illuminating.

Though it was a short chapter, what the author wrote about was informative. I reflected back to my childhood, to my friend’s situation, and to what I am learning in this class and my other class, and all of that was more than I expected to reflect on. I ended up writing more than I expected. This was a great book and I would recommend it to anyone because it makes you ponder things you wouldn’t think of on a daily basis.

Changed Forever

Dominique wrote our last entry on chapter
14, and is pictured here with her son and their
newly adopted dog, Thor.

In the 14th chapter of Roots of Empathy, the author Mary Gordon explains the importance of a baby’s first relationship with his parents. It is important for a baby to have a safe and healthy relationship in order to have a secure attachment. When a child’s needs are being met, he develops into a trusting young child and later into an adult who is able to have a healthy relationship with others.

During my childhood I can’t remember when or how often my mom read to me at night.  I know my dad never read to me because he suffers from dyslexia and he was always too embarrassed to read or help us with our homework. There wasn’t even a time when my mom sang lullabies to me before bed time. However, I had great parents considering some of the emotional needs that were not met when I was a child. I knew once I became a mom, everything would be different and I would be more emotionally connected with my children.

Gordon writes, “When we become parents, we are changed forever” (p. 210 ). This is exactly what happened when I became a mom in 2005. Something changed and I knew I was not the same person after giving birth to a beautiful little boy.  The first few years of his life he was always sleeping in my arms or in my lap. Every night before he went to sleep I rocked him while I sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and Baby of Mine. He would often sleep on my chest and just recently he started going to sleep without me lying down with him in his bed! I started reading to him at a young age, now he enjoys reading and according to his teacher, he is an above- average student. At my parent teacher conference the other day, she explained to me that he is a good little boy with a tender heart. He is always helping other students with their work before he finishes his and he is always the first one to check on someone if he or she is crying.

This chapter really made me think about how easy it is to have a good relationship with your child, and I have a really hard time understanding why some parents can’t put forth the effort to create that relationship that all kids deserve. My relationship with my son is far different from the relationship I had with my parents when I was 6. I am grateful to have a son who is attentive to others’ needs and who is willing to put everyone before him. I hope that he will continue to have a tender heart towards everyone as he grows into a young man, and knowing I helped create such a loving and caring little boy puts a big smile on my face; I wouldn’t change our relationship for the world. He brings tears to my eyes every time I look at him and I am lucky and grateful to be his mom.

Every Moment Counts

Blanca G. wrote our second entry on chapter 14. This
is her nephew, near some of the animals he loves.

In chapter 15 of Roots of Empathy, Mary Gordon begins by saying that “Children become who they are at home” (p. 209), and that the most powerful relationship is between the parent and child.  Therefore, the most significant person in a child’s life is his or her parent. According to Erik Erikson, the first stage of trust versus mistrust sets the foundation for future relationships. Therefore, parents can move towards building a strong bond between their children. A good way to do this involves attending immediately to their child’s basic needs.

  Parents create a stronger relationship and experience unique moments with their newborn. Having a newborn child will be one of the best experiences that a couple can have.  Having a newborn baby can drastically change the lives of the new parents, because now they have to take care and dedicate more time to the newborn child. I agree with Mary Gordon’s description of how a parent can be the most valuable person in a child’s life and that parents should celebrate every unique moment with the child. I still remember when I was a little child; my parents would give everything to ensure that my siblings and I received good attention and dedication. Their empathy toward eight children was significant in our lives because I still remember those memorable experiences from my childhood because of our parents’ dedication and compassion. Now that I have experienced working with children, I understand how my parents felt when we were trying to get their attention. Gordon indicated that “there is no unimportant day in a child’s life; every moment, every conversation, every activity is important” (p. 209-10).

As of today, I only have one nephew who is 2 years old and I try to enjoy every special moment with him. For example, I am able to celebrate his accomplishments with him, such as when he adds a new word to his vocabulary. At this early age, my nephew shows curiosity towards animals, and his dad has noticed.  My nephew’s parent brought animals such as rabbits, goats, doves, chicks, roosters, and other animals so that he can feed them and have compassion for animals.  My nephew enjoys spending time with his father and with his animals because both of them feel sympathy towards animals.  I think that my nephew and his father are building a stronger relationship because they spend so much time together, experiencing good communication between father and son. They are able to understand each other perfectly. For example, my nephew’s dad is able to pick up the cues from my nephew, and then plan experiences accordingly.

I think that understanding a child’s needs is fundamental because not every child at the age of 2 is able to communicate perfectly with his or her parent. There is a connection between my nephew’s experiences and Gordon’s explanation that “what children carry in their hearts is not events but relationships” (p. 210), and my nephew has a strong relationship with his parent.

            Gordon’s description makes me remember several things that I noticed about my nephew. When he was nine-months old, he would cry when his parents were not at home, but when they would return he would move to them and hug them tightly. This vignette demonstrated that my nephew felt safe around his parents. According to Gordon, “The loving touch and the warm voice of a parent are the fuel that fires the growth of a baby’s brain” (p. 209).

            This reading caught my attention because sometimes, we do not realize that every moment and every activity is remarkable and unique in a child’s life.  Every facial expression and action that a child makes is important for his or her parents and for the people who are around him or her. The reading definitely made me think about stages and moments in a child’s development. As children grow up, they are learning about their surroundings and people who care about them.  I recently shared this book with my co-worker and her reaction to the book was positive because she enjoyed the descriptions. In conclusion, I feel that my nephew is fortunate that he has parents who are helping him build self-knowledge and confidence through a healthy parent-child relationship.

Parents: Follow Your Heart!

Selene wrote our first entry on chapter 14, and she's
pictured here with her sister and her niece. She and her sister
have helped care for her niece each summer, so feel very
close to her. Selene said that, now that she lives far from
her niece, she often calls her, and her niece always asks
when she is going to "sleep over."

Baby talk, cuddling, and picking up a crying baby might seem like ordinary things one does and doesn’t really pay much attention to, but can you imagine what a baby would say about those things?  If babies could talk to their parents they could be telling them that baby talking to them is helping them with their language development, that cuddling with them is showing that parents will always be there for the child no matter what, and that by picking them up when they are crying that they are being listened to.  Parents are a big influence in a child’s life and the bond they form in the early years will either help or hurt the child as they grow up.  As Gordon puts it, “A child’s passage from helpless newborn to confident adult is profoundly influenced by his parents, who are his first love and his first and most powerful teachers” (p. 217). 

What chapter 14 of Roots of Empathy is trying to show is that the home is where children become who they are.  The more love and engagement parents show towards their child, the better they will do socially and emotionally.  This relationship is also beneficial when it comes to the school setting.  The nurture a child gets at home will set him up for learning at school, and the more nurture, the better.  For example, if a child gets to read with parents at home, it is more likely that he will have more confidence and love for learning because that is what was modeled at home.  The same goes for language, in that the earlier and more often the parents talk to their child, the better it will be when it comes to school because the child has been exposed to it already and has an idea of sounds and words.  When it comes to developing empathy, parents play a big role in this as well, and the more warm and responsive they are towards their children, the more self-confident, empathic, and socially competent their children will be.  The school will build from the foundation set at home and help develop a child that will be a caring and capable person, adult, and parent. 

I believe that my parents set us, my brother, sister, and me, up with an overall good foundation as we grew up.  Pictures show how my brother cared for me when I was a baby, and then when my sister was born, how we both cared for her.  This wouldn’t have been possible without the help of both our father and mother showing those caring characteristics to us to pass on.  From what I’ve been told, both my parents were always aware of our emotions and tried to figure us out.  There were a lot of hugging and bonding moments at our home and when we went out.  I have to say that the simplest things were the best for me because it was time that I got to spend with my parents.  We didn’t have money to go out to amusement parks or anything of that nature; instead, we would enjoy being in our backyard playing games or going to the park and playing on the playground.  As we got ready to go into school, my parents did their part and we started learning things at home.  They would buy books for us to read with them and when we got into school, they would help us and encourage us to do our best.

I remember my first day of kindergarten and how I didn’t cry when my mom left because I knew she was going to come back.  That was not the case for a couple of kids that started crying when their parents were leaving.  I remember feeling bad for the kids because they were crying.  I also remember when I was in first grade how eager I was to read because of what my parents were doing at home.  I never felt like I didn’t know how to do anything.  The same was true when I was learning how to count to big numbers; I found it so fascinating when I was learning and I just wanted to learn more.

Unfortunately this is not the case for many children whose parents aren’t as nurturing and caring, but with this Roots of Empathy program, hopefully that won’t be the case for kids anymore.  The overall goal that the program wants to meet is that they want to make sure that if a child is being neglected at home and not getting the warm, responsive, loving relationship with the parent, then the child has the option of experiencing a working model of it in the school setting.  Everyone has the responsibility to make sure that all children have a safe and healthy environment to grow in in order for them to blossom into confident adults.  Parents need to stop worrying about what the “experts” say and follow their hearts in deciding what is right or wrong with their child because who knows a child better than their own parents.  I believe that this program is something great that should be offered at more schools so everyone can have that opportunity.  Nonetheless, parents should still do their part and develop that bond with their children that will benefit them as they get older. “What children carry in their hearts is not events but relationships. It is the giving of ourselves that matters” (Gordon, p. 210), so we should give it our all!

Reaching Before Teaching

Olga wrote our second and final entry on chapter 13. These
are her cousin's kids, and she said that she babysits them so
much that she feels like they're hers.

Each child comes into a classroom with his personal life story, which drastically affects how he learns and succeeds in education. One’s background, parents, stress level, and personal experience all play a vital role in his ability to learn. Reading this chapter made me realize and better understand the importance of a teacher’s job. It also taught me the concept of reaching children before attempting to teach them. As Gordon wrote in her book, “to teach children, we must first reach them” (p.194) Teachers cannot have the same expectations for every child but instead need to understand the uniqueness of each child and reach out to them with empathy. In this chapter, Gordon writes that the teacher’s job is not simply about imparting knowledge, but establishing a relationship that will promote learning.

I remember when I had just moved to America and how different and difficult everything seemed to be in the schools. Looking back to my first year, I remember my frustration at not being able to understand anything or anyone. But what I remember more is my inspiring teacher who gave me the motivation to try. She understood the difficulty in moving to a different country, trying to blend into the completely foreign culture and found enough empathy to reach out to me. During those first years, she built a relationship with me that gave me the confidence I needed to succeed. Her understanding of the importance of her job helped shape me into the person I now am.

I have been to many different orphanages in Russia, and have met many different children. All of these children have had a difficult past and as I began to work more with them, I began to understand how those past events shaped and formed their character. I began to have more empathy and tried harder to connect to them. Difficult situations made more sense to me, and resolving them did not seem to be so hard anymore. Once I understood the effects of their past, I better understood their current situations. I believe those trips to the orphanages benefitted me far more than the children, because they taught me how to reach children by accepting them as whole people, past and present.

As I currently work in a preschool, I try to learn and understand where each child comes from and why they act the way they do. We have had children that come from different foster care homes who do not understand how to deal with all of their strong emotions.  Little by little, I began to see how their actions were merely a cover for a certain feeling that they could not identify. They did not know how to properly express or deal with that particular emotion. It is very rewarding to see how the children change for the better after the continuous effort of teaching and guiding.

Reading this chapter made me realize what it means to be a good teacher and the importance of a good relationship between a teacher and his or her students. As Gordon states: “A child’s decision to learn or not often depends on his relationship with the teacher” (p. 205). As a teacher myself, I have seen the necessity of gaining a child’s respect and building a healthy relationship. Seeing the effect of this on his desire and ability to learn, I have learned to respond differently to tantrums and other negative behavior. Teachers often have one of the most profound effects on a person’s life, whether good or bad. I believe that by understanding and adapting the concepts in this chapter, a teacher can learn to be far more effective and influential. Reaching the child before attempting to teach him has proven to be a significantly more successful method than any other method.

What Babies Would Say to Teachers

Ashlee wrote our first entry on chapter 13, and this is what she said about this photo: "That background looks so real, doesn’t it? Especially with the brown shag carpet! This is a picture of my brother, Ryan, and me.  Although he looks happy in the picture, he was a very untrusting boy of teachers and adults.  I, on the other hand, excelled in school and had a completely different experience with teachers. As a child, I found more trust in teachers and school faculty than I did in my own family. Except for Ms. K!"

This chapter particularly speaks to me because I had an extremely wonderful teacher as well as another teacher who was really awful to me; I will never forget either of them. The information I received from this chapter was teachers should encourage students to be open about previous experiences and share knowledge they have already acquired. Teachers should allow freedom of expression.  If these allowances are not made, children will not trust teachers and may close down. Closing down emotionally also means closing down the willingness to learn. Gordon wrote, “Learning must engage the whole child including their emotions and social context” (p. 202 ).

Scenario: Ashlee is a 3rd grader in Ms. K’s 3rd/5th split classroom. She is challenged but continues to excel in math, reading, and loves to socialize with the 5th graders. One day, she is told by Ms. K she is no longer allowed to spend time with the 5th graders at recess and lunch.  Ms. K continues to tell Ashlee she must socialize only with the other 3rd graders in her class. Every day for the next month, Ms. K asks Ashlee if she hung around the 5th graders. If she said she has, she has to skip recess; if she said she hasn’t, she can go outside to play.

Unfortunately, this scenario was, in fact, a real experience.  I experienced the social shunning from my teacher which in turn shut down my desire to learn. After this happened, my grades dropped significantly and I didn’t want to go to school anymore.  I was then moved from the accelerated classes to the mainstream classes where I was not challenged enough and became bored. I began to act out and got into trouble at school. I believe this teacher paved the way for my feeling as if I wasn’t good enough.  Even though I understood her lessons and had this innate drive to succeed in her class, I held back because she “didn’t like me.”

Luckily, in 4th grade, I had an amazing teacher whose belief in concrete learning experiences caused me to fall back in love with learning. Her teaching strategies required the class to meet on the floor in a circle every morning to talk about what we thought of topics like Lewis and Clark, OJ Simpson (no joke), family, friends, etc. She created a safe place for the students in her classroom. After each unit was completed, we had an “end of unit party.” For example, after reading The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, we had a feast with sardines, hard-boiled eggs, and homemade jelly candies. These were things that maybe we would have never tried. She opened our eyes to new experiences.   I trusted her, enjoyed her company and went above and beyond on all of her assignments.  I found myself wanting to be around her during recess and lunch, telling her of all my family hardships, and she actually listened to me. She was the teacher I will never forget and the teacher who made me want to become a teacher.  

This is the kind of teacher we should all strive to be. We should make every effort to think outside the box, and our goals should be to touch the lives of each and every one of our students. It is our responsibility to realize not all students learn verbally or logically.  Gardner’s multiple intelligences absolutely must be a factor in our lesson plans. Gordon states, “Ignoring them by teaching in only one style is like putting blindfolds on more than half the students” (p. 204 ). Ignoring the fact that each child learns and communicates differently is doing the entire class a disservice; it is our responsibility to understand multiple teaching angles and teaching styles. It is our responsibility to know when a child is struggling developmentally, socially, emotionally, or cognitively. It is our responsibility to adjust our classroom to make an impact. Lastly, it is our responsibility to be the teacher they’ll never forget.

Safety: My Experience

Foua wrote our third and final entry on chapter 12. This is her son, smiling for the camera!

Chapter 12 of Mary Gordon’s book highlighted the significance of baby’s safety. Gordon mentions that taking care of a baby is a lot of responsibility.  I do admit, caring for a baby is a lot of work and it takes patience.  Therefore, anyone wanting to become a parent will have to take a lot of encouraging and love in order to prepare for a baby.  Gordon talks about different kinds of safety issues, which I believe are significant.  She indicated that “crying can be one of the most dangerous things a baby can do” (p.184).  I agree, because as a mother, when I hear my son cry, I would run quickly to check what is wrong.  There are times I do not know why he is crying but I have to be patient and try to figure it out. 

The reading definitely made me think of my son.  Safety is one of the biggest issues that must be attended to when we have babies.  Every time my son cries, I think he is in danger or something is wrong.  I don’t think he cries because he wants to, but because there is really something bothering him.  When he was 8 months old, it was really hard for me to understand what he wanted.  Crying was the only thing he could do to let me know that something was wrong or that he wanted something such as a diaper change or to be fed.  His first year was the hardest for both of us to communicate with one another.  After his first year, it was easier for both of us to understand and communicate with one another.  At 14 months, my son was able to understand what I was saying to him.  This made it a lot easier for both of us to understand what we want from each other.  I believe babies should never be ignored when crying.  There are times I get frustrated when my son cries, but I tell myself that I am the person my son depends on and if I don’t pay attention to him, who will?

Gordon also mentions that sleep is something young children need.   She indicated that a baby also requires a lot of feeding and diaper changes.  I like how the children in her program come to understand that caring for a baby is like a 24-hour job.  I agree with the parents in her class.  Taking care of a baby is not easy, and I believe it takes two adults to make sure the baby is safe and secure.  Even with my husband and I taking care of our son, there are times we need our parents to help out.  My son made me understand the different kinds of safety issues that came with him, and dangerous things he can get into.  The author wrote that “with every milestone the baby reaches, her range of skills increases and so does the range of things that can be a threat to her safety” (p. 185).  As my son got older, I knew there were things that needed to be out of his reach.  Even though we’re careful to keep all the dangerous stuff away from him, he still gets hurt at times.   

This chapter made me think of things that I had learned from my infant class.  For instance, the book mentions that women who are pregnant should not drink or smoke, which I think is true.  The book also talks about fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD), sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and shaken baby syndrome, which I believe are important for parents to know about.  When I was taking the infant class, we talked about different ways that babies can die.  One important thing I learned from my infant class is to always put the baby to sleep on his back.  This is very important, I think, because there were times I thought my son needed to rotate his sleep pattern, so I would turn him on his chest to sleep.  As I learned, this can be dangerous and it can lead to death.  I learned a lot from my infant class, so I am more aware of the things that can happen to babies. 

After learning so much about safety from having my son and reading this chapter, I understand why Gordon is trying to inform young children about the safety of babies.  Taking care of my son has made me prepared to become an even better mother and to be more careful.  Overall, I have learned a lot from my son, and I am more prepared to take care of my newborn daughter that I just had in October.  

Better Safe than Sorry

Flor wrote our second entry on
chapter 12. Here she is as a child, with
her head safely protected!

In chapter twelve of Mary Gordon’s Roots of Empathy, Gordon talks about children also being great promoters for infant safety. Gordon describes that as babies grow in their first year of life, so does the number of potential threats to their safety. The students in the Roots of Empathy program are encouraged to discuss and learn about the dangers that a parent should be aware of.

In the first part of the chapter, Gordon discusses Crying and Safety. This brought me back to when my niece, Lily, was first born and brought home. Since the very day she was born, I have been as involved with her as I could possibly be. I can’t imagine not being with her, and I most certainly do not remember being without her. She has easily become the most important little lady in my life. I remember when she was first brought home and she seemed like such a “good baby,” only crying when she was hungry, or needed to be changed. Within a month or two, her cries began to mean much more. Lily always loved to be held and talked to, which was absolutely adorable, to me at least. My sister, her mother, had a completely different approach. She was a “tough love” kind of mom. “Let her cry, or she will get used to getting held,” she’d say, or “Let her sleep in her crib, so she doesn’t get used to sleeping in my bed.” All these things seemed appalling to me because I just wanted to cater to Lily’s every need so a strong attachment could be formed. I had to keep in mind that my sister was only 16 when she gave birth, and I, as the older sister, had to be there to help my little sister and guide her with what little knowledge I had. I always talked to my sister about letting me know when she wanted me to take the baby if she was frustrated, or angry, or tired, because I was very scared of shaken baby syndrome or neglectfulness. Fortunately, my sister took me up on my offer, and I helped her as much as I could before heading to college. Now that my niece is 5 and loves babies, I try to make her aware of how she should hold a baby to avoid shaken baby syndrome. She loves telling others to be careful because babies are so tiny that they need extra love.

The next section spoke about Sleep and Safety. This one really hit home. The first three months after my niece’s arrival, I think I lost as much sleep as my sister. I woke up with them every single time just to make sure Lily was ok. I had learned about SIDS in high school, and was terrified that this could happen to my very little niece. It was almost an obsession to wake up and make sure my little one was still breathing and sleeping on her back. I was very thankful to have learned about it in high school, and my sister had just learned about it through her doctor during her pregnancy.

A safe home continued to be a main priority as Lily got older. She was such an active and playful toddler that she absolutely needed to be watched. Like every child, she learned through touch and observation, so things definitely ended up in her mouth. Luckily, she never choked on anything or gave us a close scare. Now that she is older, even Lily knows the importance of keeping a safe home because she has puppies. She is very careful about closing doors, and picking up small pieces. Needless to say, she will be a great older sister when the time comes.

I absolutely love this book and agree with Gordon’s perspective. I feel we would be truly blessed if our own children and families could experience such an amazing program as the Roots of Empathy.  It seems that if more and more schools offered something like this, more children would be aware. This is very important for cultures and ethnicities that rely on their children for translation and new knowledge because they don’t speak English. Educating these children does not only leave the knowledge with them, but also to all they share it with, and that is an amazing thing.

What Babies Would Say about Infant Safety

Fuechi wrote our first entry on chapter 12. He's pictured
here, as a child, engaging in some rough-and-tumble play
with his siblings in their backyard.

            In the 12^th chapter of Mary Gordon’s book, Roots of Empathy, she stresses the importance of child safety. Gordon expresses how parents have a responsibility to protect their child from harm. After all, it was the parents’ decision to have a baby. She gives some examples of what should be done to increase the safety of a child in order for him to live a more harm free lifestyle. There are many examples of how parents should deal with certain situations regarding their child’s safety, and I agreed on some but disagreed on others.

            The first example is crying. Gordon states, “Parents who believe that a crying baby is being bad, is trying to manipulate them, or is a wimp are likely to become angry at the baby who cries persistently, and sometimes that anger results in violence against the baby, such as shaking, throwing, or hitting” (p.184).  I would have to agree with Gordon on this statement. I do not have children at this time but am surrounded with my nieces and nephew. Every morning when my sister and brother-in-law wake up to go to work, I hear my nephew crying because he wants to go downstairs to watch television. He has conditioned himself and his father that every morning when he cries, he must watch television in order to stop his behavior. Over the past few weeks, I observed that he has learned how easily he is able to get what he wants by crying. Furthermore, I have never seen my brother-in-law shake my nephew, nor my niece, but once their tears start rolling they seem to get what they want.

            The next example Gordon provides is to protect children from dangers when they have developed better motor movement skills. “Depending on the age level of students, these lessons in infant safety are further anchored through group work on babyproofing,  or through artwork that allows students to express what is dangerous for a baby”(p.189). It may be one thing to try and keep your child away from danger but it can almost be impossible to watch your child’s every movement throughout the day. Therefore, I would have to disagree with Gordon. I believe children should be allowed to roam around and learn things on their own. Yes, parents can childproof electrical outlets, but childproofing everything in the house makes it no fun for a child to experience what he or she is capable of doing. For instance, my aunt held my cousin for the first year of his life and seldom lets him crawl around and play with things. He ended up not walking until almost two years of age. Now he runs around wild, yet, she still chases after him because she worries he might injure himself. The way I see it, children need to have scars and scratches because it will remind them of what they can or cannot do.

            Gordon also discusses the serious harms unhealthy habits like using alcohol or drugs during pregnancy can cause to an unborn baby. A common condition known as, “FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorder) is the leading known cause of entirely preventable birth defects and developmental delays in the developed world.” (p.190) I would have to strongly agree with Gordon on this. Mothers should be aware of the dangers alcohol or other drugs present to their child. If alcohol is more important than the baby, the mother should have been more aware of the consequences before having unprotected sex. I think there needs to be huge warning signs advertised over beer fridges reminding adults that if they drink while pregnant, it may increase the likelihood of disabilities in their child. Furthermore, their spouse or partner should take initiative and do whatever it takes to prevent the mother from drinking or smoking. Also, it would be helpful if clerks refused to sell alcoholic beverages or cigarettes to any woman that is pregnant would make me feel better.

            Overall, I believe Gordon hits some great points about child safety. Although I may have agreed or disagreed on some parts, I still believe a child’s safety depends solely on the parents or guardian. And don’t forget, safety first, everyone!

What Babies Would Say to Bullies

Toua wrote our final entry for chapter 11. This is his
nephew and niece, spreading a little Christmas cheer!

In Chapter 11 of Mary Gordon’s Roots of Empathy, she talks about how bullies are made, the cause of their actions, and the negative effects bullying has on both the victim and the tormentor. While reading this chapter, I thought about my childhood experiences where maybe I was a victim of bullying or even the bully who caused damage to others. I also wondered what causes people to become bullies and why people take such actions. As I continued reading, I learned that the family environment has a big influence on children and aggressive behaviors. If a child is raised in a family environment where violence and the use of force are common, the child will adapt to these bad habits and also become very aggressive. Bullies learn to use their aggressive behaviors to solve conflicts and to satisfy their needs. These reasons are why it is hard to eliminate aggressive behaviors of bullies without the right help and resources.

After learning about how the family environment is a big influence on children, I can clearly see why I was probably once a bully, because I enjoyed the use of force to satisfy my needs when I was a kid. Though my family environment probably caused me to be a bully, it does not mean that I grew up in a bad family environment. Times were tough for my family, especially for my parents who were first generation in America. We learned to do what it took to survive and to adapt to the new ways of America. 

In this chapter, Gordon also talks about how “the stereotypical bully is the bigger kid who physically attacks someone smaller” (p. 170), and how “bullies can isolate or exclude a classmate, making her feel alone in the middle of a busy classroom” (p.171). I can relate to these descriptions. I can still remember my classmates excluding me from group activities or group discussions because of my ethnicity, and humiliating me in front of others by resting their hands on my head because of my physical appearance. Going through these experiences probably played a factor in why I used to behave badly as a child myself, because I believe bullying is contagious.

As I came close to the end of this chapter, I realized that bullying is a serious issue that needs to be stopped because it does affect the development of our children. When relating bullying to Erikson’s psychosocial stages, I can clearly see how bullying will create unfavorable outcomes in all the stages that Erickson listed. I agree with Gordon that it is important to eliminate bullying by teaching our children to become their own police in challenging cruelty, because bullying is unhealthy to both the victim and the tormentor.

After reading this chapter "What Babies Would Say to Bullies," I am inspired to eliminate bullying behaviors. When I work with children in the future I will teach them the importance of helping each other and why aggressive behavior will not solve anything. I will hope that by teaching them good behavior, they can then teach that to my children when they go to school so they won’t have to deal with bullying.

The Issue of Bullying

Ritchiel wrote our third entry on chapter 11 -- happy reading!

            At the school I work at, I have a child with autism, who lacks in social skills. My responsibility is to follow him at recess and observe his actions, making sure he does not have any outbursts with his peers. I usually try to give him his space as he prances around the school yard casting spells and pretending to be a magical wizard. I noticed that as he tries to make friends with the children on the playground, the other kids  laugh at him, make funny faces, call him weird, freak, loser, and often isolate him. He is always picked last when it comes to picking teams. He has stated to me that all he wants is one friend who can be nice to him and share all his cool magical tricks, and he would do anything to have one.

            At some point in a child’s life, they receive some sort of bullying, either in school or outside school. Bullying is the repeated actions or threats of actions directed toward a person who seems to have lower status, to inflict fear, distress or harm. Bullying can include name-calling, obscene gesturing, vindictive teasing, rumors, cyber intimidation, social exclusion, damaging one’s belongings, threats and physical violence. Even the seemingly most minimal types of bullying can leave detrimental scars.

            I remember a point where bullying just seemed to be a normal childhood experience, nothing that needed to be addressed with more than a simple talking to and apology to the victim. As the years have passed, awareness has grown regarding the grave consequences of bullying. Results from studies have surprisingly shown the effects of bullying to carry over into adulthood. “Although adulthood provides the victims with greater choice over the environment in which they live and work, they still are more likely to suffer from depression and lack of self-confidence than individuals who have not been the victims of bullying” (p. 173). Gordon stated that bullies of physical violence are more likely to end up in jail for crimes and assaults; I’ve also read this in an article. It seems as if both parties, the bully and the victim, are prone to negative outcomes. As Gordon said, preventative programs for bullying would be the best way to address this issue.

            I am currently working with my school and the teachers in implementing a bullying prevention program. In just monitoring recess on the playground, I see numerous acts of bullying. I am looking into different programs such as

“Bully Free School” and the Anti-Defamation League’s prevention of bullying. I’m curious as to how the “Roots of Empathy” program works. The results shown in the text seem to point to significant reduction of bullying. I can still hardly believe that a bully himself admitted to being wrong in his actions. If any program can do this, then it is certainly worth looking into.

Bullying: Why Does it Happen to Me?



Jade wrote our second
entry on chapter 11,
and said she picked
this photo of herself
because "I look
happy, and it shows
that I can get over
my past, and not
let my past reflect
my current life or
future."



            In the eleventh chapter of Mary Gordon’s book, Roots of Empathy, Gordon says, “Bullying is fundamentally an act of cruelty” (p. 170).  This is a nationwide problem that many children grow up dealing with, and from personal experience, bullying is a major issue that exists in our school systems today.  As a child development major, I have taken many courses that actually helped me recognize that home life can be the cause of bullying.  A parenting class taught me that harsh punishments are not the correct methods to constantly resort to when it comes to disciplining.  Gordon says, “If conflicts in the home are solved by the use of force or by controlling or bullying behavior, that is the model the child will learn to use in his own relationships with others” (p. 173).  If children see bullying and rough activity happening in their household, they act the same way at school because they think it is an acceptable way to treat people. 

            Mary Gordon did present one case that made me think twice about bullying.  She explains, “In incidents of bullying, that may mean the bully-and sometimes even the victim-is suspended, given detentions, or otherwise isolated.  This may create the perception of direct action being taken, but it is ineffective in bringing about any lasting change” (p. 175).  Gordon then goes on to explain that once these actions are taken, the bullied or the one doing the bullying do not learn.  They aren’t given the opportunity to learn about the causes and effects of bullying and when being isolated from others, they tend to not think of the mistakes they previously made.  I can personally relate to this because growing up, the peers who bullied me often repeated the act, even after disciplinary actions were taken.

            I remember my 6^th grade year like it was yesterday.  I was 11 years old and starting a new school in a new home town.  I didn’t know anyone, but was excited to meet new people.  I was the kid who entered puberty earlier than everyone else, so by this age, I seemed to be almost 5 inches taller than the rest of my classmates.  I also had acne while other kids my age didn’t have any yet.  I was called every name imaginable for my tallness and acne.  All my classmates fed off of each other and it seemed like they plotted against me.  I remember I would come home from school crying to my parents about how the kids at school would hurt my feelings.  They would get in trouble, but that never seemed to help.  Gordon explained that “The toxic effects of bullying will not be solved by punitive measures and isolation, or even worse, by placing the bully in a holding tank with other offenders and no alternative models” (p. 175).  I really related to this particular sentence because it spoke the most truth to me while I was reading this chapter.  I now know that it was an issue in school that many kids deal with and as I’ve grown up, I know to not take my past bullying to heart.   

            When I grow up, I want to become a teacher, and I know that I will be dealing with issues regarding bullying in my own classroom.  I think the next generation will be worse, too, since technology has progressed so much.  Cyberbullying is the new concern, and “through the faceless medium of e-mail, chat rooms, and cell phone text messaging, bullies can stealthily target their victims, terrorizing them with threats and exposing them to ridicule and humiliation” (p. 170).  This chapter has inspired me to make a difference through my career and stop bullying from happening in the school systems.  I know this will be hard, but getting involved with other teachers who feel the same way can make a difference.