From Playtime to Test Time: Where Did the Fun Go?

Andrea, on the left here as a child, wrote our final entry on
chapter 5. She's pictured with her mom, who was
helping ("as usual!," Andrea said) in her kindergarten class.

Every time you enter a Babies-R-Us, or similar stores, you are bombarded by games and tools designed to make your child more intelligent. Over the past decade, there has been a boom in the “Baby Genius” market. There are flashcards designed to teach your one-year-old how to learn the alphabet and video games designed to teach your toddler how to read. Parents are encouraged to do as much as they can to give their children a leg-up going into school. However, this contradicts much of what we are taught about how children learn; Mary Gordon, author of Roots of Empathy, agrees.
           

Gordon believes that children make neurological connections through experiences rather than a set of flashcards. It is through these experiences—and play—that children learn not only academic skills, such as math, but learn empathy and love. This part of the chapter really stuck out to me. While observing in different classrooms, I have noticed how much the classroom has changed since I was in elementary school. Back in 1995, Maple Creek Elementary School was all about play and discovery. I looked forward to going to school because I thought I was playing for a majority of my school-time. Yes, there was work involved, but I was able to excel on exams because I had learned the concept without necessarily being explicitly taught the material; we experienced it. Now, kindergarteners are expected to know their sight words and move up quickly to higher reading levels. The focus is no longer on imagination, but on test scores. This worries me and poses the question: Are the children really learning? How different are sight words from the childhood game “Memory” where you had to match the picture of the card with its pair? That is a very scary thought.
           

As Gordon states, children create neural connections through experience. Their first experiences in life are in the context of their relationships with their caregivers. These relationships will affect their future relationships when they grow older. I was lucky enough to be raised in a home where reading was encouraged and love was abundant. Reading the different examples of how parents foster those connections in their children really lit a light bulb for me. I began recognizing the different things my parents did when I was younger and how they shaped the person I am today. My sister and I both have fairly high emotional IQ’s and I know that is not a coincidence—it goes back to how my parents interacted with each other and with us. I believe that the Roots of Empathy program is extremely beneficial because it can foster emotional intelligence in children who did not necessarily grow up in a nurturing home. Seeing those connections firsthand teaches students about neurological connection. Whether it is between the mother and the baby or the baby making a connection by learning how to roll over, they are able to witness that connection being made in the baby’s brain. It doesn’t matter if they’re in kindergarten or eighth grade, the concept is universal.
           

 I feel like this book is not only beneficial for teachers, but is a must-read for parents. I feel like this chapter especially is imperative for parents to read. How children formulate connections and learn starts with the parents, way before they enter school.

Every Experience Counts

This is Pang, the author of our second entry on
chapter 5, when she was a toddler. She said she
was laughing at her aunt because she kept
playing "peek-a-boo" with her.

When I read the chapter Love Grows Brains: Teaching Children Neuroscience, I realized how important life is as a child. When something is important, I believe you remember it more easily. I remember playing with blocks, cardboard boxes, and a small chair when I was about five years old. I would build houses, cities, and drive around pretending to be mayor of the city. The interesting part about this was that I played in the kitchen and my mom never disapproved of it.  Instead, she encouraged my learning experiences regardless of the setting. It was reading this chapter that made me agree with Gordon about brain development in the baby or child.         

When I was playing with the blocks and cardboard boxes, I was probably learning the different ways of constructing houses. At this time I also learned how to add and subtract. I took away and added blocks or boxes when I wanted the houses to be taller or bigger. I subtracted boxes if I thought the houses looked too big.  This made me realize why I now like to make gingerbread houses so often and why I enjoy putting things together without reading the instructions right away. Therefore I would have to agree with Gordon’s statement that, “Curiosity and imagination are key features of optimal development in the early years” (p.75). It was the connection between me, my boxes, and blocks that made me understand how important it is for parents to let their child play.

In this chapter, Gordon also highlighted “Parents [being] the models from whom children learn if life is exciting or tiresome” (p. 77). Being the oldest child in my family, I did not have anyone to look up to. Therefore, I looked up to my parents. My parents always had us doing something fun. They made life so interesting when it came to outdoor living. They had us do activities while we went camping. These activities included scavenger hunting, volleyball, and fishing. My parents always encouraged me and my siblings to continue our education and to strive for the best. I have become the person that I am today because of the strong positive support I received from my parents. These experiences have shaped me into a more rounded person. I have learned to never give up on my dreams and that anything is possible.

The simple memory of playing with blocks and boxes suddenly became important to me after reading this chapter. It also made me understand that the experiences in my childhood had a major impact in my life. My parents opened the doors to everything by allowing me to play without restriction but with caution. I learned that if I do not do something with my life, I will end up on a dead end. These experiences follow me through my life and I am appreciative that my parents allowed me to play as a child. The simple act of allowing me to play as a child fostered my brain to grow into what it is now.

Let the Children Explore!



This is Samantha's nephew, Hayden Marcus.
She said it "was his first time crawling on
 the grass. He actually liked the grass, unlike
some kids."



After reading the fifth chapter of Roots of Empathy I was very impressed and interested in what the author said and how she gave different examples of why children sometimes behave and do the things they do. I had not thought about these concepts before. She gave three good examples with details that helped me better understand the minds of not only little children, but also adults, too.

 One illustration the author gave was about babies who were abused in early childhood. She said that their brains become smaller and they tend to avoid doing things that may cause them pain. She stated that babies who are abused tend to be hypersensitive, and can sense when the abuser is mad through facial expressions or tone of voice. I think this is very interesting because I didn’t realize that babies are smart enough to recognize such subtle cues that tell them whether someone is happy, mad, or sad. The author also said that babies adapt very easily to their surroundings, which makes sense; for instance, when their abuser behaves a certain way then the baby will react depending on the state of mind of their abuser.

Babies who are abused tend to grow up misunderstanding other people’s emotions because their examples growing up were somewhat distorted, or they think someone is threatening them. This makes me think of my friend who was abused by her father when she was younger. She is very aggressive and defensive, and tends to think that people are attacking her when they are just talking to her; it is as though she is misreading the other person’s cues. Reading this chapter has helped me make better sense of why my friend acts the way she does. She is using her survival mechanism to cope in her adult life. She does not seem to be able to show empathy towards others, and she tends to push other people’s feelings to the side because she is in survival mode.

A second issue I thought was interesting was allowing children to explore their environments and encouraging them to do so. The author gave an example of ants crawling in the house and allowing the child to explore instead of just telling them that they are bad, giving the child a chance to play and be creative with the ants. This gives the child a hands-on learning environment where he can see for himself what the ants would do. At my house this past summer, we had an ant infestation and every day we had to kill them with ant spray. We told my nephew who is two not to touch them because they were yucky. I now realize that when he was looking and trying to touch the ants, it was his way of expressing his curiosity. My family and I did not allow my nephew to be imaginative and creative with the ants; we just didn’t think that playing with ants was a good thing for him to play with. This did not open any opportunities for him to ask about the ants or ask to learn more about them. All he knows is that ants are yucky and to not touch them. We limited him to only one way of thinking about what ants are. I feel that not allowing my nephew to play with the ants did not help him build his self-esteem or provoke his curiosity.  He probably felt like he couldn’t explore to see exactly what these ants were all about.

In another section of the chapter, I thought it was so interesting that one of the teachers was holding a special doll and told the kids that the baby would not stop crying. She handed the baby off to a little boy who then cradled the baby in a football position and patted the baby on the back just how he was taught. This amazed me that in the fifth grade, he would know so much about caring for the baby. All the children in the class took turns soothing the special doll and that was amazing that they picked up on the cues of what the baby needed. They truly understood the meaning of empathy; the children naturally tried to know the feelings, the thoughts and the attitudes of the baby.

I was saddened to think that babies actually do get abused and have to turn on survival mechanisms that they may otherwise not use if they weren’t put in that position in early childhood. To think that they will never get the chance to explore and live an imaginative life without abuse like my nephew does saddens me. As early childhood teachers we should make it a point to help these children to thrive in a community that they can and will explore, along with finding out the world is not such a bad kind of a place after all.

Emotions

Peeking out here, second from the left, is Mao, who wrote
this entry, with her siblings. This is the first Christmas
she can remember, and she said she was in 1st or 2nd grade.

Emotional literacy made me think about my childhood, how I learned my emotions and how my parents taught us about emotions. Sadly, I can’t say my parents taught my siblings and me much about emotions when we were kids. From what I can remember, I didn’t learn from school either. Not that my parents didn’t love us, but I feel like my parents themselves didn’t learn how to express emotions themselves My parents have always told us we shouldn’t cry, whine, be sad, or mad, which tells me that they didn’t like us expressing our emotions. Now that I am older and understand my parents’ situation as parents, I feel that they weren’t so sure of how to handle our emotions and didn’t know how to teach us to express them, so I can’t blame them.

Out of the six strands of human connection, emotional literacy stood out the most to me. I have to agree with Gordon that literacy is more than reading and writing, it’s about feelings. Children with emotional literacy are able to express their feelings properly, name their emotions, and are able to understand other’s emotions. Emotional literacy is about understanding emotions of self and others. Truthfully, I had never heard of the term emotional literacy until I took CFS classes. I think learning about emotions plays an important role in life. Ever since I can remember, I couldn’t express my emotions directly and didn’t understand other’s feelings. Through grade school I wasn’t a talkative person and I rarely expressed my feelings to the teachers or friends. Even at home, emotion was never a topic to discuss. When I reached middle school I didn’t change much, expressing myself wasn’t easy, and I tended to hide how I felt. I wasn’t sure how to respond to my friend’s feelings when they were sad, frustrated, angry, or upset. When I reached freshman year in high school, I had this awesome English teacher who helped me through being shy and was able to help me talk in front of class. I also thank my older sister for helping me to open up my emotions. I always felt I couldn’t help her when she needed something or when something was troubling her. I was always there to listen, but never knew what I should say. Just watching what my sister has gone through, I learned from her, and I was able to come out of my shell and be able to express my own feelings and respond to other’s emotions.

Just imagine if all schools had Roots of Empathy classrooms; it would teach kids so much. “This learning is extended as they are encouraged to reflect on their own emotions and discuss awareness of other people’s emotion” (p. 61). Gordon’s idea of teaching children about emotions through an infant is such a great idea that I would love to see my own children experience this in their classroom one day. The kids in the Roots of Empathy classroom are able to observe a baby and learn about the baby’s emotions and also learn what those emotions are. Gordon said a child with emotional literacy who is able to “build healthy relationships and a stronger, more confident sense of self” (p. 61). This classroom would have helped me as a child to really understand emotions, to be able to express them, help me to be more confident in myself and not be shy. Who wouldn’t want to experience a Roots of Empathy classroom? All children should experience a classroom like this because it’ll help children for a life time. Who would have thought of the idea for children to learn from an infant? Usually it’s always about learning from your parents and teachers. Gordon’s idea is one of the greatest ideas I have heard because a child learning from an infant is really amazing. I believe we can learn from infants no matter what our age, because every move they make is always astonishing.

Temperament and Empathy

This is Hnou, the author of this entry,
as a child with her older sister. Hnou
is on the left, and her sister is about one year
older than her. She said their mom always
dressed them alike.

A child’s temperament has a direct relation to the development of empathy and is a strong determining factor in how a child responds to certain situations.  An important method of the Roots of Empathy program allows children to observe the temperaments of babies, in turn creating an environment in which these children are comfortable with discussing their own temperament.  

The importance of this rests in the fact that it helps create an understanding of the different personalities that children have.  Not all children are the same.  Each child has his own identity and his own personality.  My own experience has taught me that each child is quite special and adoring in her own way.  I have a 3 year old niece who is the sweetest little toddler one can imagine, but when she doesn’t get her way, she definitely knows what buttons to push to get what she wants.  I also have a 2 year old niece who is the fiercest and most physical toddler I’ve ever handled.  When I’m around each of them, I am aware of the differences in their personalities.  I know that treating them the same will just not do.  Because I know their temperaments are different, I am able to communicate with each of them in the best way possible way to keep them - and me! - from getting frustrated. 

With each niece, I know where my boundaries lie and I know when those boundaries need to be crossed.  Each niece deals with her feelings in her own ways.  My 3 year old niece likes to cry when she doesn’t get her way and my 2 year old niece likes to throw tantrums. Since I’ve already become an expert in dealing with their personalities, I’m equipped to handle their mood swings.   

What’s important to take from this is that all children are different in how they react to situations.  Sometimes the smallest amount of change can be exciting and even horrific, but understanding that children may react in ways different from one another is an important part of the Roots of Empathy program. 

Teaching young children about the possibilities of different temperaments is great in that it also helps them to open up about their own feelings.  Sometimes it may be more detrimental to keep one’s feelings all bottled up inside.  As a child, I was always open about my feelings and was really an emotional person.  I could see however that many of my closest friends liked keeping their emotions to themselves.  Sometimes I felt as though I wanted to help them, but I couldn’t because they wouldn’t open up to me.  I understood though that their way of coping was to keep their feelings to themselves.  I was always an open and straightforward person, but I understood that people had their own personalities and their own ways to cope. 

The best way to develop empathy is to understand it and experience it.  To do so, children must observe it and be able to recognize it and be comfortable enough to communicate it.       

Reminiscing

Brittney W. wrote our first entry on chapter 4. This is her
as a baby, and I believe you'll know who is holding her
when you read her entry!

            Reading the chapter Roots of Empathy: Six Strands of Human Connection made me think about my childhood and how many different connections I have made. I immediately agreed with the author when Gordon said, “weaving together the strands of human connection that are critical for understanding ourselves, one another, and the society we live in” (p. 59). While reading through the chapter, each strand makes you evaluate your childhood, your society, your beliefs, morals, upbringing; everything comes to mind.

            I can recall developing many of my strands as a young child through memory, pictures, or from stories from family members. I can remember a very distinct attachment between my dad and me. We were inseparable when I was younger. I was told that I was always such a happy baby. I never wanted a bottle or a pacifier; I just wanted my Daddy. I just wanted to play with him; whether it was crawling around or just sitting on his lap. I was just so content when I was with him that most of the pictures of my childhood are the two of us together. My emotional development was influenced by the relationship I had with my Dad. Because of our strong relationship and connection, I have been able to regulate my emotions in a healthy manner as well as feel secure in myself and in my relationships.

            Having a secure attachment allowed me to develop my emotional literacy at a very young age, which is another strand on which Gordon touches. Until reading this chapter, I never really thought about how children use storytelling to communicate their emotions. Being the oldest of four children, a past preschool teacher, and a nanny, I have heard my fair share of storytelling. Whether those stories have a distinct point or are just a bunch of compiled complaints and accusations, storytelling really is a major way of communicating for the young.

Some other ways that children express their emotions is through their language and art. I see how language is a more obvious form of communication, but in a previous child development class, where I had to conduct observations of children, I really grasped the concept of children expressing themselves through art. In that particular child development class, I ran an art activity for the preschool children and the activity was letting the children do whatever their little hearts desired to do with the objects on the table. Some children just glued pieces of yarn, buttons, and confetti all over and they were satisfied. On the other hand, some children developed a picture that had a story behind it that they wanted to share. Some of those stories were stories of their families and the people in their family, some were of a pet, and others just about a dream they had. All of the pieces of art had something to say about exactly what the child was thinking. I grew more fascinated with every picture that was created and began asking them to tell me about them. Those who shared their pictures with me displayed that they had strong and healthy relationships by feeling comfortable with sharing with me. Children that communicate their emotions have a more confident sense of self in any type of relationship.

When I read about the authentic communication strand it really made me think about the society that we live in. We live in a society that is filled with technology where it is easy to communicate with others in all kinds of different ways; however it is extremely easy to feel alone as well. Also the number of traditional families has become fewer and fewer allowing blended families to take the top spot. By traditional families, I mean parents are still married and living together to raise their children. Blended families are when parents are divorced, and one or both parents remarry so that members of at least two families come together. Children in this day and age do spend much of their time playing video games and on social networking websites instead of outside playing. I know that the world is not as safe as it was in the past and we have more and more things to worry about when our children do go outside, but when is keeping them inside the best thing for them? We need to interact with our kids outside as well as inside. We need to teach our children boundaries and safety outside, as well as open their minds and attitudes to exercise and sports. Our children cannot just sit inside on a computer or gaming device because that kind of teaching will never get them experiencing life. Children need a healthy balance of outdoor and indoor play with their peers as well as their family.

A Young Aunt Learns from Her Nephew and Nieces

Bong wrote this entry, and this is Claire, her
niece. It appears she might be trying to learn
to read so she can read her Aunt Bong's work!

Imagine yourself in a classroom and the teacher brings in a baby and tells you, “Baby Ann will be your teacher for the day.”  What would be the first thought to cross your mind? Many things crossed my mind when I saw the title “My Teacher is a Baby.” I thought to myself, “Am I reading this wrong? How is this possible?” Well, it turns out that it is possible and even the littlest person can teach you a thing or two.

Even though I have no kids of my own, I became an aunt at the age of twelve. I was young myself and did not know much about taking care of newborns, but I was not afraid to care for my little nephew Tristian. I was his aunt but at the same time, my family also called me his second mom because I always babysat him when his parents were away. He trusted me to care for him, and I trusted that I would be able to take care of him the best that I could. I became his secure base.

After reading this chapter, I have come to realize that I learned a great amount from him and I know for sure that I was indeed fascinated by the things that he did. Just like the children in this chapter, I remember telling everyone that my nephew liked me and that he always smiled at me. Like I say, I was young at the time but just by looking after him, I was able to pick up cues and understand his body language.

I have to admit that this was an interesting chapter and I hope to continue reading this book. The program, Roots of Empathy, allows children to communicate, to observe, and learn from the baby. These children were so amazed by the things Baby Leah did, and being children themselves, they knew and understood her body language. Just the other day, I had my six-month-old niece Claire on the bed, and right beside her was her two-year-old cousin, Annalise. Annalise was so fascinated by Claire and every time Claire moved her hands or legs, Annalise would laugh and make faces. I turned around to look at them and laughed to myself. Just like the children in the program, Annalise was telling me what Claire was doing. At that moment, it made me think about this book and what I have read and learned from it. Even though the children were so young, it was not too early or too late for them to learn about empathy. 

Attachment is a huge factor to consider when observing a child and parent relationship. As I learned in class, a child becomes attached to the parent as they care and respond to the baby’s tender needs. The parent becomes their secure base and the person they look to when they are sad, happy, scared, hungry, etc. The children in this program were able to identify and observe how Baby Leah had cried for her mother, and as one child said, “Leah didn’t like the piggy game, but she’s happy with her mommy”(p.51). They saw how Baby Leah had pulled away from the piggy game.

This is a good way to teach empathy to children because not everyone is shown how to feel empathy toward another. Do we, as parents or teachers, teach our children to show empathy for another individual or do we show them otherwise? We can do both, but who knows. A kindergartener in the program wrote this down, and it was touching because I never imagined that someone so little could think of something so nice to say. He/She wrote “My wish for Jordan is that he can be nice to people and help them. I wish that he can help people when they are sick to get better” (p. 55). I think of the kids that I work with, along my little nephews, and I ask myself, “ Do they know what NICE means?” I envy this program because I do believe that someone as young as that kindergartener can learn by looking at the child and how the child interacts with the parents. The baby welcomes these children into her space and shares happiness with them.  

Creating Milestones



Nicole with her brother, at top, and doing kindergarten homework!

 The Roots of Empathy is such an amazing program! I believe this program truly works, and every community should adopt it in their school systems. Empathy isn’t something that we are born with, it is something we are taught by our parents, teachers, role models, siblings or whoever our caretaker/guardian may be. We’re not born knowing all the skills we need for life so they have to be taught to us. With this program children are learning empathy from a baby. This program has also possibly impacted their eventual parenting skills and fostered their empathy toward all people.  

Learning as a child is fun, and opportunities for doing so are endless. One of the many important parts in a child’s life is when they hit each of many milestones. Having that first “ah-ha!” moment is such an exciting time in a child’s life. During the Roots of Empathy class, the children are learning from a mother and her baby.  In this chapter, Sharon, the teacher, places baby Leah on top of a blanket where she sits up. The kids are excited to watch Leah and to watch her first “ah-ha!” moments.  When talking about Leah’s “ah-ha!” moments, the kids respond to Sharon with excitement while talking about how Leah is able to sit up straight. When Sharon asks the children if Leah can crawl or walk, the children respond with “not yet.”

Reading that the children responded with “not yet” was such an amazing thing for me. This gives me hope as a child development major that children do enjoy learning.  We did a similar lesson in a preschool class where I used to work. One of our student’s mothers had another baby and as part of one of our weekly lesson plans, we brought her mother in with her newborn baby. This was also a way to help her daughter Brandi transition into being a new big sister. Her behavior was beginning to regress. Things like staying dry overnight no longer were happening and she wanted to be in diapers. She began acting in a negative way in class, in order to get attention. However, the day her mom came in with her new sister she said something that I won’t forget. She said, “This is my new baby sister Baylee, and she can’t talk yet, but she will because she is nice.” This was such an important thing for Brandi to talk about. I knew that Brandi would begin taking on her new role of being a big sister and that her regression would stop. This was a huge step for Brandi because she was only 4 ½ years old.

When I look back at my first “ah-ha!” moment, I was in the third grade and I had the hardest time reading words out loud. I could say the word in my head but when the word came out, it didn’t sound the same.  A teacher of mine, Mrs. Foley, taught me to break the words into syllables. She told me to say it like it sounds, and to say it all together. After a week’s worth of practice, I was thinking “ah-ha!” I got it. I can read out loud without being nervous. My confidence went up and I wasn’t afraid to read out loud. As a child, I remember thinking that I couldn’t do it yet, but things turned around and I did it. It was then I became a more confident child. As teachers, this is something we want for all of our students. I can’t think of many things that are harder or more important for children than learning to read.

Another moment from this chapter that I appreciated was when Sharon pulled out a green blanket and placed it on the floor. Leah was placed sitting upright on top of it. The blanket was used to create a boundary for the children. This allowed the children to sit around the baby without touching or getting too near the baby. During circle time, keeping the children interested is very important but we as teachers know how easily children can get distracted.

When I worked in a preschool, we created a similar routine that worked for our classroom and helped us during circle time. Our children would grab a mat that had their name on it and sit down in front of the group leader. This would let us know that they were ready for that day’s lesson. This was a great way to do circle time because the children were able to stay on their 2x2 mat rather than sitting knee to knee and getting distracted.

The main objective of this program is to help children learn to display empathy towards others, and to realize that, no matter how old we are, we should not stop showing empathy. This program is so important because these children will grow up remembering what they learned and know how important it is to show empathy. 

My Teacher is a Puppy

Ashlynn is the author of our first entry on chapter 3, and here
she is -- with her teacher!

In the third chapter of Mary Gordon’s Roots of Empathy, Gordon gives a detailed description of six-month old Leah’s visit to a Kindergarten classroom. Leah had visited this group of students before and they were all very excited to see her again and to observe how much she had grown since her last visit. Gordon then went on to describe all of the reasons that a baby is such a wonderful teacher of empathy. While I read through all of these reasons, I began to think that babies are not the only great teachers of empathy; animals can teach us a thing or two about empathy as well. Much like Gordon said about baby Leah, animals are “endearing and nonthreatening” (p. 52), they recognize who needs special attention (p. 54), and they achieve “milestones” (p.49). Although an animal may not be able to teach us all of the same things that a baby can, I know firsthand that an animal can have a profound impact on a person’s life.

In February, my home gained a charming little addition in the form of Ellie – a hyper Chihuahua- mix puppy that we adopted from the CCSPCA.  From day one she has been a challenge. Like most puppies, she is very curious and tends to explore her world by chewing on anything within her sight, digging up all manner of objects outside (plants, sprinklers, etc.), and by claiming all household objects as her own. If I do not close my closet door before leaving the house I will come home to find that Ellie has acquired a collection of my dirty laundry, including my unmentionables, and has placed them all in her bed.  She also feels that it is her duty to terrorize our other dog, Stevie, all throughout the day. Despite Ellie’s shortcomings – I’m not even going to mention potty training – I can say with confidence that she has been the best part of my life this past year.  Much like the children in the Kindergarten class, I am excited every time I get to see her, and each time I see her I learn something new.

Like I had mentioned earlier, similarly to babies, animals are “endearing and nonthreatening” (p.52). Although Ellie can have a pretty vicious bark at times, she is nonthreatening overall, and no one can argue against the endearing quality of puppies. Much like with Leah, these two qualities make Ellie very appealing and easy to attach to. This attachment that I feel with Ellie helps me to be more in tune with her feelings and vice versa. It is clear that Ellie is aware of my feelings and the feelings of others because, like Leah, she can recognize who needs special attention (p.54). In this past year I have gone through many stressful situations that have left me feeling both emotionally drained and vulnerable, and when I am at my lowest point Ellie has been there. Although you can typically find her running laps around the house or barking mercilessly at the pantry door that holds her snacks, she somehow knows when I need her to calm down and just lay by me. She definitely knows when I need special attention.

Lastly, Ellie has achieved many milestones since we brought her home and I have been fortunate enough to witness them firsthand, just like the Kindergarteners got to do with Leah. Some of her milestones include being able to sleep through the night on her own, learning how to go for a walk with a leash, and learning how to swim to the step in the pool. Much like Leah, these milestones were not achieved overnight – they took a lot of work on Ellie’s part and patience on my part. Although Ellie has come a long way, she still has a lot of “not yets” on her milestone chart (p.50). But although these “not yets” can be frustrating to me at times, like in the instance of Ellie going through my laundry basket, I find comfort in knowing that in life it is normal for us to not have achieved all of our milestones yet. Someday soon, Ellie will have achieved all of the milestones that she is currently working on, but in the meantime I have to be patient with her. I can also find the strength to be patient with myself as well as I try to achieve my milestones in life.

Ellie has been a wonderful teacher in my life, but I must recognize that she cannot possibly teach me as much as a baby could. The two primary reasons that a baby surpasses Ellie’s teaching ability are that “a baby is the place we universally start from” (p.52) and with a baby we can “watch the symbiotic action-reaction of parent and child” (p.52). Although Ellie is endearing, sensitive to my needs, and can achieve many milestones throughout her life, she simply cannot compare to a baby. This realization really goes to show that the Roots of Empathy program has really chosen the very best possible teacher of empathy: a baby.

Respecting and Accepting Emotional Expressions

This is Choua, the author of our final entry on chapter 2.
She is holding her little brother here, and said, "My
mom took the picture and said that he was crying, so I
held him to make him stop. He smiled for the camera, though."

In Chapter 2 of The Roots of Empathy, Gordon speaks out about the importance of empathy and how teaching a child to understand empathy may help prevent bullying.  The Roots of Empathy classroom utilized the mother and her baby through introducing them to the younger children.  The teacher found that the children responded to baby Jenna when she was struggling with trying to turn over, and the students understood that Jenna was feeling frustrated.  Gordon believes that, “…it is more critical than ever that we give our children the tools to express their emotions in a safe and healthy way and that we, as adults, give our children the strongest sense of their right to be heard and understood” (p. 38). 

While reading the book, I agreed with Gordon’s opinion that accepting and understanding a child’s feelings can help them learn to respect their classmates’ feelings also.  In my opinion, if an adult can acknowledge one child’s feelings and tell them that they have a right to feel the way that they do, it may develop that one child’s mind to learn to accept that everyone has the right to express their emotions.  I really do respect Gordon’s words, which is why the other teachers at my workplace and I use the words, “I know you’re feeling mad, and it’s all right to be mad sometimes” when one of the preschoolers is upset.  Just by using those words, we were able to show a 4-year-old boy that he does have a voice and his feelings are important to us.  Those words can be so powerful, yet they are rarely ever used by parents.  It may seem easier for the parents to just tell their child, “Stop being a brat,” rather than just acknowledging their feelings by saying to them, “I know you’re mad, and it’s okay to be mad sometimes.” Just those eleven words alone could open the gates of empathy in a child’s mind.
           

Most of the things that Gordon expressed in her book, such as when a baby is crying and a person warns the parents, “He’s just being spoiled, leave him to cry” (p, 40), made me very sad that someone could just dismiss a baby’s cry as insignificant, when that is the only way he can communicate that something is wrong.  Teaching children to empathize with others can only benefit them, not worsen them.  I believe that it’s very sad when a parent dismisses a boy’s fears and feelings by telling him, “Boys don’t cry.”  It can teach a boy that it’s not acceptable for him to feel scared or to cry, thereby stifling his feelings and creating more conflict in the future.  If we can help one child understand the concept of empathy, then we can definitely stop the bullying that is happening in our school yards.

The reading definitely made me think of Erikson’s stage, Shame vs. Doubt.  If the parents tell the child such things as, “You’re a big boy/girl now.  There’s no need to cry,” a child may feel ashamed when they want to cry, so they try to hold it in.  Adults may have a hard time believing that what they say to a child can affect the child's life, but it really can.  An example of this was given by one of my professors.  As a part of lecture about the effects of an adult’s words on a child, she told us that when she was seven she had put her hair up in a ponytail.  When her mother saw it, she had told my professor that the top of her head looked like an onion. To this day, my professor still has bangs to cover her forehead.  Those words, though spoken lightly, had really affected her.  Therefore I believe that adults should be very careful about what they say to a child, accept that sometimes a child just needs to be heard, and that it’s okay for them cry sometimes. 

Learning from Each Other

This is a picture of Eriko, our latest author,
dressed as a cat for a Halloween party in
a preschool she taught at in her native Japan.
With Halloween coming, this seems a good
choice!

The book made me realize the importance of educators and caretakers teaching children the concept of empathy. I think it is amazing how children can learn empathy through school programs. People usually assume that children learn empathy from their caretakers and the adults in their lives. However, the author suggests that those people are not the ones who teach and demonstrate such sense. Actually, the children in the program can learn the importance of empathy with an infant who is even younger than 1 year. I could not imagine how the program helps children learn empathy from an infant. I was fascinated by the stories that the author shared, as well as the many concepts that were mentioned in the program. I have realized that the ideas of the Roots of Empathy program are very significant for both children and adults. I learned that feelings influence children’s development and behavior. Children who have had an opportunity to learn the importance of empathy through the program, compared to those who have not, will have much better perspectives toward other people, their communities, societies, and the world.

One of stories in chapter 2 reminded me of some personal experiences. I am going to share one of my stories with you. When I was in third grade in Japan, one of my female classmates was being bullied by other classmates because of her unique appearance, such as her dark skin tone and her curly hair. I was one of the onlookers. I did not even try to stop the students from making fun of her appearance because I was afraid of being the next target of bullying. Therefore, I joined in with the bullies. I felt sorry for her, but at the same time, I might have enjoyed it. I failed to think how she might have felt. My sense of empathy was missing. It was not until a friend of mine made me realize the importance of empathy. I was telling my friend about the bullied girl, and she said to me, “If you continue making fun of her unique appearance, I will do to you exactly the same things you have done to her.” She was upset at how I was treating the classmate. My friend was not a mean person or a girl who ignores friends. However, I did not take her seriously. As a result, she started ignoring me and would not talk or play with me for the next few days. I was really shocked and felt very lonely. I finally could feel how the bullied girl might have been feeling. She might have been sad, lonely and hurt just like I was feeling when my friend ignored me. I realized what I had done to her. My friend gave me the opportunity to think about how other friends were feeling. She made me realize how painful being bullied was. I learned my lesson. After that, I stood up for the girl that I used to tease and we became friends. I believe that being nice, caring and sharing with others makes us feel much more happy and grateful to be around friends than bullying or making fun of people’s appearances. I learned this valuable lesson from my friend.

I agree with the purpose of the Roots of Empathy program that gives children the opportunity to observe infants and discuss human feelings and emotions. Such opportunities encourage them to share their own feelings with each other. This helps them understand and listen to other people’s feelings and the children can learn empathy through the program. It is quite impressive that the individuals in the program are encouraged and motivated to achieve their goals by observing a baby struggling and trying hard to roll over using its whole tiny body. Children may realize that it is important to set a goal to achieve, and also to realize that anticipating its eventual attainment motivates them. Through the discussions with fellow classmates and instructors, they may start thinking of what they really want to do, using all of their energy and concentration towards what they are interested in. The children may also start considering how to make connections with their neighbors and exert their energy and knowledge towards contributing to society.

I believe that it is not easy for children or adults to find something they can devote themselves to nowadays. Those who are having a hard time figuring out their goals are afraid of ending up somewhere they do not want to be or even end up doing nothing. They may feel empty or never feel satisfied with their life. They may become depressed in the end. Therefore, the Roots of Empathy program plays a very important role for children, providing a great opportunity for young learners to explore the world with empathy. It is also important for them to have  experience sharing their feelings with other people because it will allow them to think and discuss where feelings come from or how to solve and cope with problems.

I expect that through the program suggested in the book, young children can obtain active listening skills that help them understand other people’s primary feelings and recognize and interpret the feelings with their own words.  Such skills help them actively listen to other people’s feelings. People sometimes may not recognize their true feelings unless they are addressed by other people. The Roots of Empathy program helps children freely address what they really feel. The program enables young children to realize that there is nothing to be ashamed of when expressing their feelings. Furthermore, the young children are willing to trust people and realize that it is significant to make healthy connections with adults, and to respect and take responsibility for other people and themselves.

Babies have a pure mind and are full of love and energy. They remind us of things that we sometimes overlook or fail to recognize from our stand point. However, the program gives children the opportunities to realize such things. The kids will learn to consider other people’s feelings and learn the importance of having the courage to stand up for others. They will be interdependent with each other in their communities, instead of being independent. The Roots of Empathy program reminds us of such wonderful and valuable things. I hope, if children understand the concept of empathy, considering and taking care of not only their own feelings but also other people’s feelings, they are willing to pass it to the ones for whom they love and care, as well as to the next generation.

Independence vs. Interdependence...or Something In Between

Brittany F. wrote our first entry for chapter 2. Here she is
as a very happy baby being held by her sister. She credits
her sister with motivating her toward more independence as
she grew older.

The noun independence comes to mind when taking a look at the ideologies on which the United States was founded. People from around the world came to inhabit our great nation in pursuit of the “American Dream”—a nation founded on democracy and freedom.  This ideology of independence has been carried down from generation to generation, and is still evident today in the 21^st century citizen.

            This heavy push toward an independent mindset has left our country lacking in a particular area: interdependence. The ability to rely on one another has taken the back seat in America’s core values. Gordon mentions that interdependence is essential in facilitating empathy. Yet, how are we able to implement the act of empathy when we are lacking in interdependence? I find myself guilty of placing a high value on independence. As a result, becoming empathetic towards others was a process; a process that did not take place until I was in my twenties.

            As an infant, independence was fostered in my home. Expectations of drinking out of my bottle with no assistance and sitting up on my own were tasks my parents expected me to excel in. As I got older, I was encouraged to dress myself, to make my own lunches, and to make my own choices—pertaining to sports and future plans. On several occasions, I witnessed children being taunted and bullied. Unfortunately, I was only a bystander and never intervened. The “roots of empathy” had yet to be planted within me. I believe I am not alone with my experiences with independence. If this is true, many adults may have a difficult time—like me—promoting empathy because it is a brand new concept. That is not to say that there is anything wrong with independence. Rather, what would our society look like if it began to balance the ideology of independence with interdependence? My hope is that there would be a decrease in the acts of bullying, suicide, school drop outs, and the like.

            With the aspiration of becoming a future educator, my goal is to create a balance of independence and interdependence. Independence in the classroom will be promoted by children developing a sense of self. This sense of self will allow the children to identify the feelings they are experiencing. In turn, to encourage interdependence in my classroom, I believe it is essential to build an environment based on trust. One way of creating such an environment is by letting down your guard as an educator or mentor. With this trust established, children will feel confident and secure in expressing their own feelings. By identifying their feelings and expressing them, children will then be able to better understand the act of empathy—walking in someone else’s shoes. The goal of my classroom will be to validate children’s feelings, promote problem-solving with peers, and ultimately create productive citizens for the future. We must learn from our past and move forward as a nation. We cannot expect our future leaders to show empathy and compassion for others, if these life skills are not fostered in their younger years. Therefore, we must give children the opportunity to develop empathy; so that they may be contributing adults in the future. 

Avoiding the Rush

This is Ariam, the author of this entry, playing
"All grown up!" when she was much younger!

Reading the chapter From a Tiny Seed made me remember my childhood, and how I would yearn to interact with a baby once I saw one. I immediately related to what the author was talking about when Gordon mentioned, “[…] Tomas was on his tummy; the children wait eagerly to see what he will do” (p. 4). I recall many occasions in my childhood when playing with a toddler was really fun, and I now attribute that to the free spirit that children have at this age. Having a broad imagination makes play so much better, and that was something that I always looked forward to as a child. As you get older you sometimes lose out on that imagination due to life experiences, or because you don’t have someone with whom to shares your thoughts and feelings. I find it helpful that the program advocates for children to talk about their experiences with other children. At times one child can feel that they are the only ones going through a particular problem, when in many instances it is not the case. When having a discussion about a typical problem more than one child is prone to open up because they have experienced it themselves.

I agree with many aspects of the program because having the children witness real life events can help them comprehend that life can be so much better if we learn how to understand others in our environment. I worked in a Homework Center program in my hometown’s local library that targeted children from five to twelve years of age who did not have parental support. I encountered a couple children who could have used a discussion about how to understand other people’s feelings, but more importantly, their own feelings. Not knowing how to indentify one’s feelings can hurt us in the long run because we may hurt others, or do negative things such as bullying. Through work and college courses within my major, I learned to be empathetic towards others and that not everybody grows with the same life experiences that I had. As I read this chapter, I recalled my education and I noticed that I was not taught many social and life skills during the thirteen years of required schooling. 

After learning about the program’s main focus it made me realize that small changes within the home can really make a change in a child’s life. I took special interest when reading about the author making the curriculum suitable for eighth grade classes. Considering the current trends of teenage pregnancy, I thought that the whole idea of offering the teens experience with a child would help them realize that a baby requires a lot of work. A quote from a mother within the program was, “In a twenty- four-hour day, there are fifteen minutes of pure joy and twenty-three hours and forty-five minutes of hard work” (p.15). I love this quote, and it will stay in my mind forever because it explains how caring for another individual on a daily basis is not like eating a piece of cake. As children we often want to be grown up as fast as possible so that we can do the things that we are not able to do at our current age. Sooner or later we start to notice that we lost out on the little stuff that really makes our life full of long-lasting memories.

Life Changing

Kabao is one of three (yes, 3!) students in our class
who is pregnant  and this is her firstborn son.
He is 2 months old here. It's pretty obvious
why she liked to watch him sleep, isn't it?
(And we actually started with 4 pregnant students,
but Christine had her second son the first week of class!)

I honestly believe that a baby can change a person’s life, whether it is a parent, grandparent, or even an outsider. Seeing the changes in a baby every month or even day-by-day is life changing.

I believe that bringing a child in to the classroom to teach children about empathy is very important and powerful. It is amazing what a baby can do to people. As a mother, my son changed my life in more ways that I could imagine. When I found out I was pregnant with him, life became all about the safety of the life inside me. Once he arrived, everything that used to matter didn’t matter anymore. Having brand name clothes didn’t matter anymore because all that mattered was making sure that my child had the safest equipment.

Everything revolves around this child now, when before no one else really mattered but me. Even when all he did was sleep most of the day, I seemed fascinated with his sleep. Staring at him sleeping gives me happiness, and when I am happy it affects his mood for the day.

Whenever I see articles about children, I am on it. This child of mine made me vulnerable to things and people that I never really cared for before. Stories that dealt with child abuse or neglect made me sick to my stomach, and some made me angry. There were stories that made me empathic with the child and those involved.

Seeing this child grow in front of my eyes has given me a super strength that I did not have before. For instance, I know have courage to look at a needle go through his skin for every shot, I’ve researched all sorts of flu that can be harmful to him, and am even able to hear him cry from the other room.

After reading the chapter, I think the children in this program felt the same way I did as I struggled through being a first time mom. To me, experiencing something this powerful is magical and can only be felt in Disney movies – but now it is real.

One thing that I feel is very strong about Gordon’s program is how she chooses her Roots of Empathy babies. I love the idea of choosing babies from the community. I strongly feel that children do need to see themselves portrayed in their classrooms, and choosing a baby from the same community is another version of that. It gives the children things they can relate to, yet every family is different, so they get to see and talk about the differences, too. If Gordon were to choose “superbabies” for a lower socioeconomic status community, the children would probably struggle in trying to relate to the child and parent. They would wish to come from a family with so much fortune like the “superbabies” instead of learning to be empathic with the baby and parent.

I wonder if the program is a real success, because if it is, why are we not adopting this program in our school systems? I wish to see children show more empathy and courage rather than bullying. I would love to see children stand up for one another in a cafeteria lunch line when being bullied or include everyone in a game of tag. This would be a beautiful sight for adults to see and there would be less bullying in school settings. If the program teaches children how to be empathic then why not put all children into the program so everyone has a chance to learn about empathy? Reading this chapter and relating it to my personal experiences has made me want to see this program come to our local schools and start a change for our children.

Bully Prevention

Linda and her grandma.
Linda said she was bullied for a long
period of time in her childhood, and that her
grandmothers really helped her through
"these rough years of my life."

Mary Gordon started the Roots of Empathy Program because she wanted to make a difference. She states, “You could tell, right from the initial entrance [into school], which ones were going to be winners and which ones would struggle” ( p.16). I agree with her because I taught at a daycare for awhile and you could see it in children. I understand where she is coming from because I have been there with my preschool classes. However, I made it a point to make sure all of them were able to write their names, say their letters and numbers, as well as understand what others were asking them and were able to respond back. I wish there was a program like this when I was younger because then other children would not be afraid to step in and help.

I attended Franklin Head Start and I liked it because my grandma also worked there. She was the nurse’s aide and I remember she would always come into my classroom. I enjoyed school until I started kindergarten. The first day of class my mom put pink ribbons in my hair and I had on a pink fluffy dress. Everything was fine until the bus ride home because when I got off of the bus, my dress was a deep red. An older boy had pushed me down in the bus. My mom was mad and questioned the bus drive,r and he said, “I didn’t see what was going on, I was driving the bus.” I let my mom know he was lying because it happened as I was getting off of the bus. I remember it like it happened yesterday.

            When I read about Darren asking, “If nobody has ever loved you, do you think you could still be a good father?” I started crying and had to put down the book. I can relate with this because I used to think of something similar. Gordon talks about Darren and what he saw when he was a child. Even though I still have both of my parents and I was never put in foster homes, I feel we have a lot in common. I think children come from all walks of life and based on what they have seen or done, they usually act similarly in some ways. There were times when I felt like it was me against everyone else. It started when I was in about the eighth grade. I would ask myself, “Why am I even here if my family members and friends treat me like an outcast? Do I truly have any purpose?” I would cry myself to sleep at night because of the hurt I felt. However, I refused to let anyone know what was really going on with me.

            According to Gordon, Justice Edward Ormston, a criminal court judge, once told her, “If the lessons that children learn in Roots of Empathy could have been taught to the people I deal with every day, we’d have far less need for prisons” (p. 26-27). Growing up where I did, I can agree with what he has said because in school there are bullies who prey on vulnerable children. Then later these children begin to seek someone to help them with the bullies. These children are doing whatever it takes to join a gang so they will have protection. Once you are in a gang you can never get out, but children do not take this into consideration. Instead, they are looking forward to the gang protecting them from bullies. Then these children who were once innocent are now on the run, in prison, or dead.

            I admit it is sad seeing children younger than me having to serve life sentences for murder. If these children had an intervention like this program then they might have gone a different route. After learning about this program I want to advocate for children and their families. I was always the person who just stood in the back and let everyone else answer questions. Lately after getting more knowledge, I want to be an activist for these families. I am studying Child Development and Women’s Studies so I figure, so far, I am on the right track. I need to start making myself more aware of problems and what I can do to fix them or begin trying.

Genius!

Corrina, the author of this entry, as a baby.

You have all heard the saying “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Well, I did. I knew by the name and cover of Roots of Empathy that I would be hooked the moment I began reading. I did not however, imagine that the book would be about such an amazing program. Bringing a new mother with her newborn baby into these classrooms to show the development of children in its rarest form is genius. The fact that these students in the Roots of Empathy classrooms get to watch a baby grow physically, mentally, emotionally and develop a relationship with its mother right before their eyes is the most hands-on way to teach empathy to our younger generations.

The first part in chapter 1 that really caught my attention was when eighth-grade Darren went out of his way to ask to hold baby Evan in the Snugli. The pure love Evan showed to Darren by snuggling up into him while strapped to his chest awakened something inside Darren, who had only ever seen the ugly and unloving side of the world. The question Darren asked Evan’s mother, “If nobody has ever loved you, do you think you could still be a good father?” made me think about the cycle of intergenerational abuse and neglect. Children learn through what they experience and what they see. Although parents tell children hundreds of rules they are to follow, the real lessons they are teaching them are what they are directly modeling. If Darren is only ever exposed to violence, hatred, crime, and inconsistency, that is all he is going to be able to know and manifest. But bringing a program like this one into classrooms lets the ‘Darrens’ of the world know that, yes, you can be an exceptional father and person and here is how you do it. Having this new knowledge and experience may have just broken Darren’s family’s cycle of neglect and violence.

Giving children a sense of citizenship and a genuine understanding of how their actions and/or words may affect another person could change the way our society treats one another for good. The first step in doing this is teaching children the concept of empathy at a young age. And because children learn through what they see, being part of a hands-on program such as this one is the best learning tool to accomplish this goal.

The next point in chapter 1 that stood out to me was when the author talked about the spontaneity and purity of children’s emotions and actions. I work as a pre-school teacher and see this on a daily basis. One morning I came to work after dealing with a very traumatic breakup the day before and I was not my normal happy self. While I was taking role, one of my students got out of her seat, which she knows she is not allowed to do, and sat on my lap. She asked me, “Teacher Corrina, are you sad?” I replied, “Yes, Amelia, I am very sad this morning.” She then said, “It’s ok to be sad, Teacher. But don’t be because I love you and Jesus loves you.” After that she embraced me, and I her. She did not worry about the fact that she needed to stay seated at this time, she didn’t know whether or not I was upset because of something she might have done, and she did not know whether I believed in Jesus or not. All this child knew was that I was upset and she was drawn to that emotion. The author mentioned that this program allows the baby to take the role of the teacher and although I am the teacher, Amelia taught me something through that interaction. She taught me that if you feel someone is upset and might be in need of a hug or simply justification of their feelings, to help them with that. Everyone has dealt with hardships in their lives and has needed someone to acknowledge and validate those feelings. Children don’t act on the ‘what ifs’ in life, they are spontaneous and pure, as Mary mentioned. It is only when our society teaches them to ignore negative feelings, to not bother someone who seems upset or, even more detrimental, to discriminate who they talk to or comfort based on race, class, or characteristics of that nature that they lose that spontaneity. Children see everyone as human beings; they do not see skin color or designer jeans. With their innocence and purity they can teach us many things about genuinely caring for one another; they can teach us to be empathetic.

I look forward to reading the remainder or this book because it has already greatly inspired me. I decided a long time ago that I wanted to be a family therapist and put my main focus on the needs of the children in the families I would see. I have started to think more about going into the Parenting field. I want to help teach mothers and fathers how to bring their children up with love, empathy, and encouragement in order to prevent situations that bring families into therapy in the first place. The Roots of Empathy program is something I would love to be a part of, and if Fresno was ever to adopt this program, I would jump on board right away because I know the impact it can have on our future generations. I hope this book inspires you as much as it has me.