Safety: My Experience

Foua wrote our third and final entry on chapter 12. This is her son, smiling for the camera!

Chapter 12 of Mary Gordon’s book highlighted the significance of baby’s safety. Gordon mentions that taking care of a baby is a lot of responsibility.  I do admit, caring for a baby is a lot of work and it takes patience.  Therefore, anyone wanting to become a parent will have to take a lot of encouraging and love in order to prepare for a baby.  Gordon talks about different kinds of safety issues, which I believe are significant.  She indicated that “crying can be one of the most dangerous things a baby can do” (p.184).  I agree, because as a mother, when I hear my son cry, I would run quickly to check what is wrong.  There are times I do not know why he is crying but I have to be patient and try to figure it out. 

The reading definitely made me think of my son.  Safety is one of the biggest issues that must be attended to when we have babies.  Every time my son cries, I think he is in danger or something is wrong.  I don’t think he cries because he wants to, but because there is really something bothering him.  When he was 8 months old, it was really hard for me to understand what he wanted.  Crying was the only thing he could do to let me know that something was wrong or that he wanted something such as a diaper change or to be fed.  His first year was the hardest for both of us to communicate with one another.  After his first year, it was easier for both of us to understand and communicate with one another.  At 14 months, my son was able to understand what I was saying to him.  This made it a lot easier for both of us to understand what we want from each other.  I believe babies should never be ignored when crying.  There are times I get frustrated when my son cries, but I tell myself that I am the person my son depends on and if I don’t pay attention to him, who will?

Gordon also mentions that sleep is something young children need.   She indicated that a baby also requires a lot of feeding and diaper changes.  I like how the children in her program come to understand that caring for a baby is like a 24-hour job.  I agree with the parents in her class.  Taking care of a baby is not easy, and I believe it takes two adults to make sure the baby is safe and secure.  Even with my husband and I taking care of our son, there are times we need our parents to help out.  My son made me understand the different kinds of safety issues that came with him, and dangerous things he can get into.  The author wrote that “with every milestone the baby reaches, her range of skills increases and so does the range of things that can be a threat to her safety” (p. 185).  As my son got older, I knew there were things that needed to be out of his reach.  Even though we’re careful to keep all the dangerous stuff away from him, he still gets hurt at times.   

This chapter made me think of things that I had learned from my infant class.  For instance, the book mentions that women who are pregnant should not drink or smoke, which I think is true.  The book also talks about fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD), sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and shaken baby syndrome, which I believe are important for parents to know about.  When I was taking the infant class, we talked about different ways that babies can die.  One important thing I learned from my infant class is to always put the baby to sleep on his back.  This is very important, I think, because there were times I thought my son needed to rotate his sleep pattern, so I would turn him on his chest to sleep.  As I learned, this can be dangerous and it can lead to death.  I learned a lot from my infant class, so I am more aware of the things that can happen to babies. 

After learning so much about safety from having my son and reading this chapter, I understand why Gordon is trying to inform young children about the safety of babies.  Taking care of my son has made me prepared to become an even better mother and to be more careful.  Overall, I have learned a lot from my son, and I am more prepared to take care of my newborn daughter that I just had in October.  

Better Safe than Sorry

Flor wrote our second entry on
chapter 12. Here she is as a child, with
her head safely protected!

In chapter twelve of Mary Gordon’s Roots of Empathy, Gordon talks about children also being great promoters for infant safety. Gordon describes that as babies grow in their first year of life, so does the number of potential threats to their safety. The students in the Roots of Empathy program are encouraged to discuss and learn about the dangers that a parent should be aware of.

In the first part of the chapter, Gordon discusses Crying and Safety. This brought me back to when my niece, Lily, was first born and brought home. Since the very day she was born, I have been as involved with her as I could possibly be. I can’t imagine not being with her, and I most certainly do not remember being without her. She has easily become the most important little lady in my life. I remember when she was first brought home and she seemed like such a “good baby,” only crying when she was hungry, or needed to be changed. Within a month or two, her cries began to mean much more. Lily always loved to be held and talked to, which was absolutely adorable, to me at least. My sister, her mother, had a completely different approach. She was a “tough love” kind of mom. “Let her cry, or she will get used to getting held,” she’d say, or “Let her sleep in her crib, so she doesn’t get used to sleeping in my bed.” All these things seemed appalling to me because I just wanted to cater to Lily’s every need so a strong attachment could be formed. I had to keep in mind that my sister was only 16 when she gave birth, and I, as the older sister, had to be there to help my little sister and guide her with what little knowledge I had. I always talked to my sister about letting me know when she wanted me to take the baby if she was frustrated, or angry, or tired, because I was very scared of shaken baby syndrome or neglectfulness. Fortunately, my sister took me up on my offer, and I helped her as much as I could before heading to college. Now that my niece is 5 and loves babies, I try to make her aware of how she should hold a baby to avoid shaken baby syndrome. She loves telling others to be careful because babies are so tiny that they need extra love.

The next section spoke about Sleep and Safety. This one really hit home. The first three months after my niece’s arrival, I think I lost as much sleep as my sister. I woke up with them every single time just to make sure Lily was ok. I had learned about SIDS in high school, and was terrified that this could happen to my very little niece. It was almost an obsession to wake up and make sure my little one was still breathing and sleeping on her back. I was very thankful to have learned about it in high school, and my sister had just learned about it through her doctor during her pregnancy.

A safe home continued to be a main priority as Lily got older. She was such an active and playful toddler that she absolutely needed to be watched. Like every child, she learned through touch and observation, so things definitely ended up in her mouth. Luckily, she never choked on anything or gave us a close scare. Now that she is older, even Lily knows the importance of keeping a safe home because she has puppies. She is very careful about closing doors, and picking up small pieces. Needless to say, she will be a great older sister when the time comes.

I absolutely love this book and agree with Gordon’s perspective. I feel we would be truly blessed if our own children and families could experience such an amazing program as the Roots of Empathy.  It seems that if more and more schools offered something like this, more children would be aware. This is very important for cultures and ethnicities that rely on their children for translation and new knowledge because they don’t speak English. Educating these children does not only leave the knowledge with them, but also to all they share it with, and that is an amazing thing.

What Babies Would Say about Infant Safety

Fuechi wrote our first entry on chapter 12. He's pictured
here, as a child, engaging in some rough-and-tumble play
with his siblings in their backyard.

            In the 12^th chapter of Mary Gordon’s book, Roots of Empathy, she stresses the importance of child safety. Gordon expresses how parents have a responsibility to protect their child from harm. After all, it was the parents’ decision to have a baby. She gives some examples of what should be done to increase the safety of a child in order for him to live a more harm free lifestyle. There are many examples of how parents should deal with certain situations regarding their child’s safety, and I agreed on some but disagreed on others.

            The first example is crying. Gordon states, “Parents who believe that a crying baby is being bad, is trying to manipulate them, or is a wimp are likely to become angry at the baby who cries persistently, and sometimes that anger results in violence against the baby, such as shaking, throwing, or hitting” (p.184).  I would have to agree with Gordon on this statement. I do not have children at this time but am surrounded with my nieces and nephew. Every morning when my sister and brother-in-law wake up to go to work, I hear my nephew crying because he wants to go downstairs to watch television. He has conditioned himself and his father that every morning when he cries, he must watch television in order to stop his behavior. Over the past few weeks, I observed that he has learned how easily he is able to get what he wants by crying. Furthermore, I have never seen my brother-in-law shake my nephew, nor my niece, but once their tears start rolling they seem to get what they want.

            The next example Gordon provides is to protect children from dangers when they have developed better motor movement skills. “Depending on the age level of students, these lessons in infant safety are further anchored through group work on babyproofing,  or through artwork that allows students to express what is dangerous for a baby”(p.189). It may be one thing to try and keep your child away from danger but it can almost be impossible to watch your child’s every movement throughout the day. Therefore, I would have to disagree with Gordon. I believe children should be allowed to roam around and learn things on their own. Yes, parents can childproof electrical outlets, but childproofing everything in the house makes it no fun for a child to experience what he or she is capable of doing. For instance, my aunt held my cousin for the first year of his life and seldom lets him crawl around and play with things. He ended up not walking until almost two years of age. Now he runs around wild, yet, she still chases after him because she worries he might injure himself. The way I see it, children need to have scars and scratches because it will remind them of what they can or cannot do.

            Gordon also discusses the serious harms unhealthy habits like using alcohol or drugs during pregnancy can cause to an unborn baby. A common condition known as, “FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorder) is the leading known cause of entirely preventable birth defects and developmental delays in the developed world.” (p.190) I would have to strongly agree with Gordon on this. Mothers should be aware of the dangers alcohol or other drugs present to their child. If alcohol is more important than the baby, the mother should have been more aware of the consequences before having unprotected sex. I think there needs to be huge warning signs advertised over beer fridges reminding adults that if they drink while pregnant, it may increase the likelihood of disabilities in their child. Furthermore, their spouse or partner should take initiative and do whatever it takes to prevent the mother from drinking or smoking. Also, it would be helpful if clerks refused to sell alcoholic beverages or cigarettes to any woman that is pregnant would make me feel better.

            Overall, I believe Gordon hits some great points about child safety. Although I may have agreed or disagreed on some parts, I still believe a child’s safety depends solely on the parents or guardian. And don’t forget, safety first, everyone!

What Babies Would Say to Bullies

Toua wrote our final entry for chapter 11. This is his
nephew and niece, spreading a little Christmas cheer!

In Chapter 11 of Mary Gordon’s Roots of Empathy, she talks about how bullies are made, the cause of their actions, and the negative effects bullying has on both the victim and the tormentor. While reading this chapter, I thought about my childhood experiences where maybe I was a victim of bullying or even the bully who caused damage to others. I also wondered what causes people to become bullies and why people take such actions. As I continued reading, I learned that the family environment has a big influence on children and aggressive behaviors. If a child is raised in a family environment where violence and the use of force are common, the child will adapt to these bad habits and also become very aggressive. Bullies learn to use their aggressive behaviors to solve conflicts and to satisfy their needs. These reasons are why it is hard to eliminate aggressive behaviors of bullies without the right help and resources.

After learning about how the family environment is a big influence on children, I can clearly see why I was probably once a bully, because I enjoyed the use of force to satisfy my needs when I was a kid. Though my family environment probably caused me to be a bully, it does not mean that I grew up in a bad family environment. Times were tough for my family, especially for my parents who were first generation in America. We learned to do what it took to survive and to adapt to the new ways of America. 

In this chapter, Gordon also talks about how “the stereotypical bully is the bigger kid who physically attacks someone smaller” (p. 170), and how “bullies can isolate or exclude a classmate, making her feel alone in the middle of a busy classroom” (p.171). I can relate to these descriptions. I can still remember my classmates excluding me from group activities or group discussions because of my ethnicity, and humiliating me in front of others by resting their hands on my head because of my physical appearance. Going through these experiences probably played a factor in why I used to behave badly as a child myself, because I believe bullying is contagious.

As I came close to the end of this chapter, I realized that bullying is a serious issue that needs to be stopped because it does affect the development of our children. When relating bullying to Erikson’s psychosocial stages, I can clearly see how bullying will create unfavorable outcomes in all the stages that Erickson listed. I agree with Gordon that it is important to eliminate bullying by teaching our children to become their own police in challenging cruelty, because bullying is unhealthy to both the victim and the tormentor.

After reading this chapter "What Babies Would Say to Bullies," I am inspired to eliminate bullying behaviors. When I work with children in the future I will teach them the importance of helping each other and why aggressive behavior will not solve anything. I will hope that by teaching them good behavior, they can then teach that to my children when they go to school so they won’t have to deal with bullying.

The Issue of Bullying

Ritchiel wrote our third entry on chapter 11 -- happy reading!

            At the school I work at, I have a child with autism, who lacks in social skills. My responsibility is to follow him at recess and observe his actions, making sure he does not have any outbursts with his peers. I usually try to give him his space as he prances around the school yard casting spells and pretending to be a magical wizard. I noticed that as he tries to make friends with the children on the playground, the other kids  laugh at him, make funny faces, call him weird, freak, loser, and often isolate him. He is always picked last when it comes to picking teams. He has stated to me that all he wants is one friend who can be nice to him and share all his cool magical tricks, and he would do anything to have one.

            At some point in a child’s life, they receive some sort of bullying, either in school or outside school. Bullying is the repeated actions or threats of actions directed toward a person who seems to have lower status, to inflict fear, distress or harm. Bullying can include name-calling, obscene gesturing, vindictive teasing, rumors, cyber intimidation, social exclusion, damaging one’s belongings, threats and physical violence. Even the seemingly most minimal types of bullying can leave detrimental scars.

            I remember a point where bullying just seemed to be a normal childhood experience, nothing that needed to be addressed with more than a simple talking to and apology to the victim. As the years have passed, awareness has grown regarding the grave consequences of bullying. Results from studies have surprisingly shown the effects of bullying to carry over into adulthood. “Although adulthood provides the victims with greater choice over the environment in which they live and work, they still are more likely to suffer from depression and lack of self-confidence than individuals who have not been the victims of bullying” (p. 173). Gordon stated that bullies of physical violence are more likely to end up in jail for crimes and assaults; I’ve also read this in an article. It seems as if both parties, the bully and the victim, are prone to negative outcomes. As Gordon said, preventative programs for bullying would be the best way to address this issue.

            I am currently working with my school and the teachers in implementing a bullying prevention program. In just monitoring recess on the playground, I see numerous acts of bullying. I am looking into different programs such as

“Bully Free School” and the Anti-Defamation League’s prevention of bullying. I’m curious as to how the “Roots of Empathy” program works. The results shown in the text seem to point to significant reduction of bullying. I can still hardly believe that a bully himself admitted to being wrong in his actions. If any program can do this, then it is certainly worth looking into.

Bullying: Why Does it Happen to Me?



Jade wrote our second
entry on chapter 11,
and said she picked
this photo of herself
because "I look
happy, and it shows
that I can get over
my past, and not
let my past reflect
my current life or
future."



            In the eleventh chapter of Mary Gordon’s book, Roots of Empathy, Gordon says, “Bullying is fundamentally an act of cruelty” (p. 170).  This is a nationwide problem that many children grow up dealing with, and from personal experience, bullying is a major issue that exists in our school systems today.  As a child development major, I have taken many courses that actually helped me recognize that home life can be the cause of bullying.  A parenting class taught me that harsh punishments are not the correct methods to constantly resort to when it comes to disciplining.  Gordon says, “If conflicts in the home are solved by the use of force or by controlling or bullying behavior, that is the model the child will learn to use in his own relationships with others” (p. 173).  If children see bullying and rough activity happening in their household, they act the same way at school because they think it is an acceptable way to treat people. 

            Mary Gordon did present one case that made me think twice about bullying.  She explains, “In incidents of bullying, that may mean the bully-and sometimes even the victim-is suspended, given detentions, or otherwise isolated.  This may create the perception of direct action being taken, but it is ineffective in bringing about any lasting change” (p. 175).  Gordon then goes on to explain that once these actions are taken, the bullied or the one doing the bullying do not learn.  They aren’t given the opportunity to learn about the causes and effects of bullying and when being isolated from others, they tend to not think of the mistakes they previously made.  I can personally relate to this because growing up, the peers who bullied me often repeated the act, even after disciplinary actions were taken.

            I remember my 6^th grade year like it was yesterday.  I was 11 years old and starting a new school in a new home town.  I didn’t know anyone, but was excited to meet new people.  I was the kid who entered puberty earlier than everyone else, so by this age, I seemed to be almost 5 inches taller than the rest of my classmates.  I also had acne while other kids my age didn’t have any yet.  I was called every name imaginable for my tallness and acne.  All my classmates fed off of each other and it seemed like they plotted against me.  I remember I would come home from school crying to my parents about how the kids at school would hurt my feelings.  They would get in trouble, but that never seemed to help.  Gordon explained that “The toxic effects of bullying will not be solved by punitive measures and isolation, or even worse, by placing the bully in a holding tank with other offenders and no alternative models” (p. 175).  I really related to this particular sentence because it spoke the most truth to me while I was reading this chapter.  I now know that it was an issue in school that many kids deal with and as I’ve grown up, I know to not take my past bullying to heart.   

            When I grow up, I want to become a teacher, and I know that I will be dealing with issues regarding bullying in my own classroom.  I think the next generation will be worse, too, since technology has progressed so much.  Cyberbullying is the new concern, and “through the faceless medium of e-mail, chat rooms, and cell phone text messaging, bullies can stealthily target their victims, terrorizing them with threats and exposing them to ridicule and humiliation” (p. 170).  This chapter has inspired me to make a difference through my career and stop bullying from happening in the school systems.  I know this will be hard, but getting involved with other teachers who feel the same way can make a difference.          

When the Bully Becomes Your Best Friend

Michele wrote our first entry on chapter 11. She's pictured
here as a school-ager with her best friend -- she's in front.

  All children love to play at recess, except the ones that are being harassed and antagonized by bullies.  Even many adolescents fear going to school because bullying is an increasing problem.  I can relate this frightening concept to my elementary school years and the children at my work. I work yard duty at a local elementary school and unfortunately see bullying on a daily basis. All too often, I observe victimized children, and I witness innocent children turn into bullies on the playground. During the three years that I have been working on the playground, I personally have seen bullying become more common at a younger age, especially between girls. The author explained that boys engage in physical bullying such as hitting and pushing. In contrast, female bullying usually targets emotions through gossip and exclusion. 

Gordon explained that children are often suspended when caught in the act of bullying, but this form of consequence does not make the child understand why his or her actions are wrong.  During my first week at Garfield, six fights resulted in the suspension of ten children. Three of these children engaged in anti-social behavior when returning to school, proving that the suspension did not change their actions. If suspension is not an effective solution, what is?  My teacher used a pro-active resolution when I experienced bullying in elementary school that is similar to the actions that the Roots of Empathy teachers use.

            My situation can relate to the emotional bullying that many young girls experience in school through rumors and manipulation. My best friend Katie and I were inseparable in 1st and 2nd grade, but 3rd grade brought an ugly side out in us both. We were malicious, backstabbing and verbally abusive to one another.  We would try to make our other friends take sides and gang up on one another. Like most children in these situations, our friends did not know how to stand up against bullying or how to prevent being caught in the middle.  As Gordon noted, we were trying to make the other “feel alone and isolated” ( p. 171).  For three years, we had our good and bad days, but mostly days of bullying. Not until the sixth grade did it take one event to change our relationship permanently.  A “nasty note” written by an outside source caused my friend and me to engage in a quarrel exchanging mean, verbal comments. Our teacher overheard us and pulled us aside. For the first time, an adult took the time to listen, instead of brushing it off. Katie and I both learned that what we were doing was not only hurtful toward one another, but unkind toward all of our friends who were forced to be a part of spiteful actions.  Like the teachers in the Roots of Empathy, our 6th grade teacher shared her experiences of bullying and made us feel comfortable to express our feelings.  After many tears and apologies, we hugged and became inseparable once again. To this day, she is my best friend and will be my maid of honor for my upcoming wedding.

Having personally experienced bullying growing up, I feel that I can relate to the points Gordon is making in this book. I now can take the knowledge gained from that experience and the points that Gordon stressed and exercise helpful actions on the playground with the young children I supervise. Recently, I had the opportunity to take this new knowledge and help a situation with two girls that reminded me of Katie and me. I shared my experiences, like the teachers in Roots of Empathy, and allowed them time to express their feelings. I then talked to their group of friends and explained the importance of standing up against bullying and supporting one another in their time of need. Gordon stated that children often lack the skills to see from another person’s perspective and this skill is essential for pro-social behavior.  I additionally had the girls explain how they would feel if they were emotionally bullied, and it seemed as though they were able to reach a new understanding of one another.

Although bullying is increasing with “fifteen percent of school children being bullied” (p.172), bullies can be “unmade” with the proper steps. The current disciplinary actions of suspending or punishing the bullies are not effective. More schools and teachers need to model the Roots of Empathy program to prevent and stop bullying. Like Gordon stated, “Bullying is not a rite of passage; it is not a necessary part of growing up” (p. 174). Children do not need to experience the pain that Katie and I made for each other. This problem can be tackled by making victims and bullies comfortable to express their concerns and feelings. We need to take the necessary steps to not only stop these actions, but prevent them entirely.  As a yard duty teacher, I am aware it is my responsibility to make children feel safe to come to school. If I do not address this anti-social behavior, I know that I am condoning the actions of bullies and am turning a cold- shoulder to the victims who need it most.

Social Inclusion

Vanessa R, the author of this final entry on chapter 10, is
pictured here with her two brothers.

            Reading this chapter really made me stop and think about how excluded some children may feel due to their culture, race, social class or ethnicity. We all come from many different backgrounds, cultures, ethnic groups, and races. Children are often teased and bullied because other children don’t know anything about their beliefs or traditions. It is a sad thing to see how ignorant some children can be. As they grow up, they should be taught to respect where others come from. I understand that children are curious and sometimes don’t know how to express their curiosity, but they need to know we are all unique and should embrace our uniqueness as opposed to mocking others for it.

I work at the daycare center on campus, helping out with the toddlers. They range in age from 1 to 3. There are children from many different racial groups. I think it is so cute and amazing how at this age, they all see one another as friends and don’t see anything different about one another. They all play and accept one another as friends.  I wish this would stay the same as they got older. As children get older, they need to be taught that no matter where people come from, or what they look like, they should be accepted for who they are.

It really made me feel compassionate when I read about how some children are made fun of for living in poverty. This reminded me of a time when I was in elementary school. I was probably about 11 and in 6th grade. My parents and I took part in a Christmas Givaway every year. The event was set up to help families in need during the holiday season. Many people donated toys, clothes, Christmas gifts and food that were distributed amongst families in need. When we were there helping, a boy from my class came in with his family. This boy was always being made fun of by my classmates. After he saw me I could tell he was embarrassed, but I just smiled and said hello. I felt worse because I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable. I told him I was glad he came and tried to make him feel better. I would never want to make anyone feel bad for their situation. I was just glad that the program was able to help him and his family.

Empathy and compassion towards others is something that parents should teach their children from the beginning. All children want to do is feel accepted. Nobody wants to be an outcast for any reason. I feel very bad for children who feel rejected by their peers for any reason, especially of it is beyond their control. A child shouldn’t be forced to change in order to feel accepted. These days this is very hard because children can be very mean and cruel. This is an issue I also take to heart because it relates closely to a close member of my family. My little brother was always being made fun of because he was overweight. Seeing how upset and sad he would be when he came home from school broke my mother’s and my heart every time. He was only in kindergarten and already hated to go to school. I think we felt worse because we couldn’t do anything to make him feel better. My mother spoke to his teacher and the teasing stopped, yet we still couldn’t make the other kids like him. Eventually he made friends and felt better about school, but my mother still always worried about him.

Overall, this chapter really helped me understand how important social inclusion is to a child. Children are at a vulnerable age and acceptance is very important. I would never want any child to feel like he didn’t belong for any reason. I believe that children should be taught that our differences make us the people we are. We should all embrace who we are and accept those around us.

Striving for Inclusion

This is Caleigh, the author of this entry, with
her cousin, Riley. Caleigh said that Riley is
"the perfect example of a child who strives
for inclusion. She always wants to be a part
of what you're doing, no matter what it is,
and she gets sad when she is excluded. She
was also diagnosed with Type I diabetes at
the age of 2, and will have to deal with the fact
that she sometimes has to do things a little
differently. Her kindergarten teacher does a
great job of making her not feel different
because she has to go to the nurse's office
every day to get her blood sugar checked."

             Inclusion is something that I feel all people strive for, especially children. No child wants to be the odd one out and not have someone to play with at recess. This chapter on social inclusion hit close to home because of course, even I strive for that feeling. Throughout this chapter, Mary Gordon makes a few statements that I feel are very insightful, and the way that the children in the Roots of Empathy classes respond to discussions they have in class about inclusion came as a surprise to me.

            One of the main points that Gordon made was that we need to be empathetic to situations we may not even know about. There is always more going on in a family than teachers and friends know, and it is our job to make sure we do what we can not to add to that. Gordon states, “build empathy based on understanding of their particular circumstances and on respect for the struggles that many parents face” (p. 147). I like this because all parents face different struggles in life and dealing with those is hard enough.

            The topic of exclusion was very prominent in this chapter. I am sure that every person can relate to this somehow. When I was reading about how kids do bad in school because of their social interactions, it really opened my eyes and made me think about my jobs. I work at a daycare at a gym where random kids come in at random times. I have had multiple occasions where children would come up to me with their lip sticking out because nobody would play with them. You can tell that it just breaks their hearts that they are not being included. It also made me think about more I could do for these kids. Usually I do my best to find someone for the child to play with, but sometimes it is hard to force children to do things they don’t want to. So, if it came to it, I would just offer to play with the child myself.

            Another topic that hit close to home was the part about how so many children don’t know what it’s like to have a father in the picture. This I could relate to because my parents got divorced when I was 6, and for a long while, my dad was barely in the picture. I would see him maybe once a week, if that. I remember feeling sad when my dad would break his promises. I think that it is good that the children in these classes are getting to experience what having a dad around can be like, so they can take these experiences and apply them to their own lives as they get older and have kids of their own.

            Towards the end of the chapter, one of the lessons with the children was that they were shown a picture of a sad girl and they had to respond to it. I feel that each of the responses showed some reflection of what these children feljt themselves. The responses were sweet and very mature. You can tell that the lessons they are learning are really getting through to them and making them more empathetic children.

            The fear of being excluded is in everyone. Each person may have a different fear, but it’s natural to want to feel included. Mary Gordon is doing something truly amazing when working with these kids, and I feel that the lessons that she is teaching them should be taught universally. She is creating an environment where children feel safe to be themselves, and don’t have to worry about being left out, so they can focus more on their schooling. Children spend a lot of time at school and with their peers and during that time they are developing characteristics that they will have the rest of their life. Teaching children about empathy and inclusion are important and make the children better people.               

Pull Up a Chair to the Table of Coexistence, Where There's Room for All Ages, Faces, and Races

Kristin wrote our first entry on chapter 10.
She's pictured here with Nikki, one of her
favorite campers. It appears the admiration
is mutual.

In the tenth chapter of Roots of Empathy, author Mary Gordon spoke about the concept of social inclusion.  This is all about creating a space for every human being.  Gordon used a perfect explanation when she stated, “Inclusion goes beyond tolerance and ‘putting up with’ people; it is about ‘putting out to’ them” (p. 151).  We live in a world with growing diversity in the form of ethnicity, culture, religion, language, and ideology.  Additionally, there are an abundance of babies, children, and adults who struggle with being disabled (or differently abled as I like to say).  This results in an increased opportunity for exposure and learning about various groups of unique individuals.  In the Roots of Empathy program, a dedicated effort is made to utilize families of an array of backgrounds that mirror as many groups as possible within each of the local communities.  This makes it so children of similar backgrounds can relate to the babies and their families and feel a sense of pride in their heritages.  It can be a rewarding feeling when one’s heritage is validated by others, and children will feel valuable because of this validation of who they are and where they come from.

Tragically, in any group, such as a classroom, several children are often not given the right of respect by their peers and not all children have friends.  It is an unfortunate fact that there are the children who are constantly excluded and are separated by the children who are consistently included.  This often goes beyond readily apparent stigma, such as race or disability.  These children are purposely shunned by their peers.  I have witnessed children being excluded with my own eyes on a few occasions in my observations of children.  Two summers ago, I was a camp counselor at a summer camp in charge of children and adolescents ranging from ages 7 to 17.  Each counselor was assigned three to four campers to share a cabin with and be responsible for throughout the week.  During my first week of camp, I was responsible for 14-year-old Nikki who was hyperactive and had Down syndrome.  At the first meal, I noticed Nikki sitting quietly at a table in a corner all alone eating her lunch.  Right next to her at another table was a group of girls about her age, chatting, laughing, and enjoying each other’s company.  For the majority of the week, Nikki was almost always chosen last for team sports, and never invited to dance along with her peers at the camp dance.  What made Nikki’s fellow campers feel the need to separate themselves from her just because of her visible disabilities?  It was so devastating to me that they acted that way, and that I actually had to talk to them about involving her in activities.  I could not help but think about Nikki while reading the chapter in the book, and how much better her interactions would have been with the other campers at camp if those children had previously been in a Roots of Empathy classroom.  I predict that they would have been more accepting and understanding toward Nikki, and would have included her without being forced to do so.  They would have essentially felt where she was coming from. 

The program does an outstanding job of molding the children’s attitudes toward disabilities by helping them understand them and how they affect the babies and the families.  The situation with baby Jason really touched me.  Even though the children in the classroom could clearly see that Jason was born with two clubfeet, one young boy stated, “But Jason is a perfect baby” (p. 150).  The children are encouraged to sensitively ask the parents about their personal experiences with child-rearing.  Parents often relay the wrong message to their children regarding disabilities, especially very visible ones, by telling them to look away, ignore it, and refrain from asking questions.  It is amazing that the children are actually encouraged to talk about it in a respectful way in the Roots of Empathy program.  A situation that was extremely heart-warming to me was when a child in class asked a father about an upcoming surgery for his baby’s cleft lip and palate.  The parents provided honest answers which are great; we need to be as honest as possible with children.  The mother shared that she missed her family because she and the baby’s father arrived to Canada from South America by themselves, leaving their families behind. In response, 10-year-old Travis, who was developmentally delayed, spoke up and matter-of-factly declared, “We are your family” (p. 151).  Travis formed a true connection with this family.  The power of Gordon’s program shines brightly in these examples. 

I cannot stress enough how vital and necessary it is to present divergent cultures and walks of life to children beginning at a young age.  I strongly believe we must live in peace with one another, despite differences.  We must recognize, welcome, validate, and respect the differences that are placed in front of us while maintaining awareness of our commonalities as human beings.  Lastly, we must not define or label people by their differences but celebrate their valuable accomplishments and contributions.  Though not necessarily explicitly communicated to the children, these messages are delivered loudly and clearly to them through the Roots of Empathy program.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

This is our final entry on chapter 9, and it was written by Sarah M. Happy reading!     

One of the greatest things that you can do for a child is to provide an environment where a child’s body and mind can be stimulated. Within that environment it is the parents’ and the teacher’s responsibility to have high quality communication skills and be prepared with a handful of open-ended questions to keep the child’s brain and body growing at a moderate pace. Not only does it get children thinking, but it is also a way for the adult and the child to make a strong relationship with one another. When communicating with the children in your classroom, it is fine to create silly questions that bring silly remarks. The more fun a child has in their environment, the stronger the relationship and the stronger the willingness to want to learn new things will be. Mary Gordon, author of Roots of Empathy, helped her readers to understand the strategy and reasoning behind asking children open-ended questions and building a loving relationship through good communication skills.

    

I agree and support Gordon’s viewpoint that adults should make a child’s learning experience more interesting by asking them open-ended questions in a positive and respectful way. Gordon explains that communication between children and adults “enhances the authenticity of the communication as the genuine thoughts and ideas of the adult are shared in a mutual, playful, respectful way with the child” (p.130). A teacher who not only understands how to ask open-ended questions, but can also mold the questions so that they are entertaining to a child is ideal. Asking questions in this way can be a better way to get them to learn than by just having them do an activity without any actual true understanding of the subject.

    

The true underlying problem with adults these days is that they often times forget how to play. Teachers have it embedded in their head in college courses that children learn about their environment through play, but the real question is do teachers “know” how to play themselves? If adults have an idea of how to play with their children then they will have more patience and more empathy when it comes to communication. Gordon quoted Brazelton and Greenspan when she said “Empathy is taught not by telling children to be nice to others or try to understand others, but parents’ having the patience to listen to children and children’s feeling understood”  (p. 131). Basically, the more you show that you care and respect what the child has to say, the more excited they are going to be about learning new things because they are going to want to share their new ideas with you.

    

After reading Gordon’s thoughts and opinions on communication with young children I began to realize how much I loved and respected everything she had to say. It also began to bring up some fun childhood memories. My favorite years of my education were when I was in preschool. Of course playing was a lot of fun, but what I really liked was the fact that my teachers made time to listen to my thoughts and ideas. One particular time I can remember my preschool teacher taking the time to listen to me was when I set my favorite bear down on a table in the classroom. I had set it down so that I could give my teacher my full attention during storytelling time. My teacher didn’t notice because she was really upset because many of the children were picking their noses and wiping it on their friends. When my mom came, I got up and realized my favorite bear was not on the table anymore! Despite being as stressed and frustrated as she probably was, my teacher dropped what she was doing, bent down to my level, and truly listened to a 10-minute story about how I got this bear. She listened as I told her the bear’s name, what the bear liked to do, and finally how I had lost it. Looking back on it, that teacher had a lot of patience. I loved to talk as a child and adults would usually tune me out after a minute or two, but she listened to every word and looked me right in the eyes the entire time. After I had finished my 10-minute story, she ripped the entire classroom apart and found my bear. My good friend Ashley had put it there and I had forgotten she had done that for me.

    

Taking the time to listen to your children and respond to their questions is a great way to build a strong bond that will last a lifetime. There are many theories that can be easily seen within chapter nine but one in particular sticks out to me and that is the idea of attachment theory. John Bowlby explains that having a strong relationship with your parent who is sensitive to your thoughts and feelings, and responds to what you have to say, will help a child become a more successful and loving adult. I think that Gordon would agree with Bowlby and his ideas.

     

After finishing the last few sentences of the chapter, I had this feeling come over me, and everything that I had felt in my heart about children was just reinforced. It made me feel so good inside that I understand the underlying importance of what should be done to ensure that a child has their greatest years and memories of learning in my classroom. The best advice that I can give to preschool and kindergarten teachers is that if you want to teach your students how to succeed in life, then you have to allow them to teach you how to play. After all, it’s their world and you’re just there as a coach.

Communication: Speaking from the Heart



Anna wrote this entry, our third on
chapter 9, and she's pictured here talking
with her mom. She said they like to visit to
catch up on their lives.



In this chapter, Gordon mentioned how significant authentic communication is within the family.  However, interaction and communication between parents and children often goes from “conversation to interrogation” (p. 133) due to parents’ busy daily agenda.   Many parents work hard, as they are supposed to.  However, parents tend to forget how to properly speak with their children.  Family doesn’t spend as much time together as they used to, communicating during dinner to catch up with each other’s daily lives.   Family dinner is no longer the “family style meal,” but now is a meal of the individual.  Both parents may be still be eating at the table together, while children may either eat on the couch while watching television, or just not join the parents for dinner at all.  That quality time with each other has been replaced with television and other electronic devices.   Gordon also stated that a high percentage of young children around age 8 and older have televisions in their room as a means of replacing the parents’ communication and quality time.

Children across the globe spend more time watching television in their own rooms than with parents.  In addition, children also spend more time chatting with friends on electronic devices such as computers, or texting on the cell phone,  than communicating with their parents.  Quality family communication is fading away.  Lack of communication will result in lack of structures and create conflicts between the family members—especially for the parents.  Gordon stated in this chapter, “and sadly, the pace of life often results in these communications turning into staccato directions or instructions” (p. 132).  It occurs every day due to families not spending quality time for conversation.  Many times parents see it is easier to command their children rather than request nicely.  Their conversation then changes to an argument.  They stop asking parents for permission to go and hang out with their friends, and can begin doing things that aren’t approved by parent. 

The Roots of Empathy program created by Gordon helps family to reconnect with each other and gain strength through authentic communication.  Gordon stated that parents should be more sensitive with children.  When responding to a child’s question, parents need to be as honest as possible.  Real communication has to come from the heart and has to do with level of our emotios.  Spending time, sharing thoughts, feelings, and opinions will help restore families’ communication.  Supporting and encouraging children to engage in conversations, and express children’s opinions will help them become more open and stay connected with parents.  This goes the same to all teachers.

Teachers are children’s most trusted people other than their parents.  They will feel very appreciated if they are being heard, respected, and supported.  It is frustrating sometimes for teachers who have a child who has has learning difficulties and is unable to focus on a math problem.  An example in the book involved a child in a classroom who went off topic, and talked about snow falling outside.  The teacher’s positive support of the child’s “natural excitement,” (p.135) about the snow motivated him to focus better on his math problem.  It’s also the same for other children, as they will have more motivation if they have teachers and parents letting them know that they are always included in every conversation and their opinion does count. 

Children feel most important when they know that they are being loved unconditionally, and when they feel heard, as though they belong, and respected.  The Roots of Empathy program created by Gordon will help parent and children build the connected relationship and strength through authentic communication.  Parent needs to put aside their busy agendas when children are talking to them.  Finding time to sit down and communicate with children, they become more open and trusting.  Family can have authentic communication during dinnertime to catch up with each other’s daily life.  When there is communication within the family, children feel more connected with parents, and will likely use less television or other electronic devices.  They become more competent with social and emotional aspects of their lives.  They’re now living in a rich relationship that they will pass it on to their own children someday.