Communication: Speaking from the Heart



Anna wrote this entry, our third on
chapter 9, and she's pictured here talking
with her mom. She said they like to visit to
catch up on their lives.



In this chapter, Gordon mentioned how significant authentic communication is within the family.  However, interaction and communication between parents and children often goes from “conversation to interrogation” (p. 133) due to parents’ busy daily agenda.   Many parents work hard, as they are supposed to.  However, parents tend to forget how to properly speak with their children.  Family doesn’t spend as much time together as they used to, communicating during dinner to catch up with each other’s daily lives.   Family dinner is no longer the “family style meal,” but now is a meal of the individual.  Both parents may be still be eating at the table together, while children may either eat on the couch while watching television, or just not join the parents for dinner at all.  That quality time with each other has been replaced with television and other electronic devices.   Gordon also stated that a high percentage of young children around age 8 and older have televisions in their room as a means of replacing the parents’ communication and quality time.

Children across the globe spend more time watching television in their own rooms than with parents.  In addition, children also spend more time chatting with friends on electronic devices such as computers, or texting on the cell phone,  than communicating with their parents.  Quality family communication is fading away.  Lack of communication will result in lack of structures and create conflicts between the family members—especially for the parents.  Gordon stated in this chapter, “and sadly, the pace of life often results in these communications turning into staccato directions or instructions” (p. 132).  It occurs every day due to families not spending quality time for conversation.  Many times parents see it is easier to command their children rather than request nicely.  Their conversation then changes to an argument.  They stop asking parents for permission to go and hang out with their friends, and can begin doing things that aren’t approved by parent. 

The Roots of Empathy program created by Gordon helps family to reconnect with each other and gain strength through authentic communication.  Gordon stated that parents should be more sensitive with children.  When responding to a child’s question, parents need to be as honest as possible.  Real communication has to come from the heart and has to do with level of our emotios.  Spending time, sharing thoughts, feelings, and opinions will help restore families’ communication.  Supporting and encouraging children to engage in conversations, and express children’s opinions will help them become more open and stay connected with parents.  This goes the same to all teachers.

Teachers are children’s most trusted people other than their parents.  They will feel very appreciated if they are being heard, respected, and supported.  It is frustrating sometimes for teachers who have a child who has has learning difficulties and is unable to focus on a math problem.  An example in the book involved a child in a classroom who went off topic, and talked about snow falling outside.  The teacher’s positive support of the child’s “natural excitement,” (p.135) about the snow motivated him to focus better on his math problem.  It’s also the same for other children, as they will have more motivation if they have teachers and parents letting them know that they are always included in every conversation and their opinion does count. 

Children feel most important when they know that they are being loved unconditionally, and when they feel heard, as though they belong, and respected.  The Roots of Empathy program created by Gordon will help parent and children build the connected relationship and strength through authentic communication.  Parent needs to put aside their busy agendas when children are talking to them.  Finding time to sit down and communicate with children, they become more open and trusting.  Family can have authentic communication during dinnertime to catch up with each other’s daily life.  When there is communication within the family, children feel more connected with parents, and will likely use less television or other electronic devices.  They become more competent with social and emotional aspects of their lives.  They’re now living in a rich relationship that they will pass it on to their own children someday.