Pull Up a Chair to the Table of Coexistence, Where There's Room for All Ages, Faces, and Races

Kristin wrote our first entry on chapter 10.
She's pictured here with Nikki, one of her
favorite campers. It appears the admiration
is mutual.

In the tenth chapter of Roots of Empathy, author Mary Gordon spoke about the concept of social inclusion.  This is all about creating a space for every human being.  Gordon used a perfect explanation when she stated, “Inclusion goes beyond tolerance and ‘putting up with’ people; it is about ‘putting out to’ them” (p. 151).  We live in a world with growing diversity in the form of ethnicity, culture, religion, language, and ideology.  Additionally, there are an abundance of babies, children, and adults who struggle with being disabled (or differently abled as I like to say).  This results in an increased opportunity for exposure and learning about various groups of unique individuals.  In the Roots of Empathy program, a dedicated effort is made to utilize families of an array of backgrounds that mirror as many groups as possible within each of the local communities.  This makes it so children of similar backgrounds can relate to the babies and their families and feel a sense of pride in their heritages.  It can be a rewarding feeling when one’s heritage is validated by others, and children will feel valuable because of this validation of who they are and where they come from.

Tragically, in any group, such as a classroom, several children are often not given the right of respect by their peers and not all children have friends.  It is an unfortunate fact that there are the children who are constantly excluded and are separated by the children who are consistently included.  This often goes beyond readily apparent stigma, such as race or disability.  These children are purposely shunned by their peers.  I have witnessed children being excluded with my own eyes on a few occasions in my observations of children.  Two summers ago, I was a camp counselor at a summer camp in charge of children and adolescents ranging from ages 7 to 17.  Each counselor was assigned three to four campers to share a cabin with and be responsible for throughout the week.  During my first week of camp, I was responsible for 14-year-old Nikki who was hyperactive and had Down syndrome.  At the first meal, I noticed Nikki sitting quietly at a table in a corner all alone eating her lunch.  Right next to her at another table was a group of girls about her age, chatting, laughing, and enjoying each other’s company.  For the majority of the week, Nikki was almost always chosen last for team sports, and never invited to dance along with her peers at the camp dance.  What made Nikki’s fellow campers feel the need to separate themselves from her just because of her visible disabilities?  It was so devastating to me that they acted that way, and that I actually had to talk to them about involving her in activities.  I could not help but think about Nikki while reading the chapter in the book, and how much better her interactions would have been with the other campers at camp if those children had previously been in a Roots of Empathy classroom.  I predict that they would have been more accepting and understanding toward Nikki, and would have included her without being forced to do so.  They would have essentially felt where she was coming from. 

The program does an outstanding job of molding the children’s attitudes toward disabilities by helping them understand them and how they affect the babies and the families.  The situation with baby Jason really touched me.  Even though the children in the classroom could clearly see that Jason was born with two clubfeet, one young boy stated, “But Jason is a perfect baby” (p. 150).  The children are encouraged to sensitively ask the parents about their personal experiences with child-rearing.  Parents often relay the wrong message to their children regarding disabilities, especially very visible ones, by telling them to look away, ignore it, and refrain from asking questions.  It is amazing that the children are actually encouraged to talk about it in a respectful way in the Roots of Empathy program.  A situation that was extremely heart-warming to me was when a child in class asked a father about an upcoming surgery for his baby’s cleft lip and palate.  The parents provided honest answers which are great; we need to be as honest as possible with children.  The mother shared that she missed her family because she and the baby’s father arrived to Canada from South America by themselves, leaving their families behind. In response, 10-year-old Travis, who was developmentally delayed, spoke up and matter-of-factly declared, “We are your family” (p. 151).  Travis formed a true connection with this family.  The power of Gordon’s program shines brightly in these examples. 

I cannot stress enough how vital and necessary it is to present divergent cultures and walks of life to children beginning at a young age.  I strongly believe we must live in peace with one another, despite differences.  We must recognize, welcome, validate, and respect the differences that are placed in front of us while maintaining awareness of our commonalities as human beings.  Lastly, we must not define or label people by their differences but celebrate their valuable accomplishments and contributions.  Though not necessarily explicitly communicated to the children, these messages are delivered loudly and clearly to them through the Roots of Empathy program.