Experiences with Emotional Literacy

Brittany N. wrote our second and final entry for chapter 8.
She said she selected this photo of herself as a child
because it shows one of the many emotions she expressed
for her mom. Too cute!

In the eighth chapter of Roots of Empathy, the author Mary Gordon describes the importance of emotional literacy and the role empathy plays in its development. Gordon proposes the idea that emotion in children is “universal and foundational” (p. 117). From my own understanding, I believe the author is trying to convey that children use emotion as a way to help build off of other literacies. Without a solid emotional foundation within the self, a child may lack the components needed to develop emotional empathy for others.  This idea was very striking to me. I was able to recall a time when I witnessed an interaction between a mother and her 5-year-old daughter. The daughter was crying and upset over a toy she had shared with a friend. As she spoke, it was apparent the reasoning behind the story was illogical, and the mother’s interest began to fade. She slowly denied her daughter’s feelings and caused the little girl to shut down completely. In the moment, I knew this could be damaging for the daughter, however, I did not understand the importance of emotional recognition in children until after reading this chapter. Children learn how to regulate their emotions through appropriate expression in words and behavior. In this circumstance, the young girl I watched interact with her mother was quickly distracted from her own feelings. Anything she may have been able to learn through the circumstance was denied before it could even be understood. The Roots of Empathy program helps parents and children avoid situations like this. Gordon expresses the importance of emotional literacy through various activities with children. As the child participates in the activity, they begin to develop language skills, connection of ideas and differences within each emotion.

One of the activities the classroom engaged in was a discussion about a baby who had pulled on his mother’s hair. The intentions were innocent, and the children in the classroom were able to recognize this due to the mother’s response to her child, as well as the teachers’ guidance. It allowed the students to embrace the differences in reactions to situations and how it is important to take the time to understand what someone’s intentions may be. I believe this learning technique for children can be very beneficial. There have been various children I have observed who have lacked the knowledge needed to understand their peers’ intentions in various situations. One example that comes to mind is a young girl who responded in anger over her sand castle being ruined by a peer. What the young girl did not realize is that her friend was just trying to bring over more sand to help make the castle bigger. As the friend carried the sand closer to the castle, the bucket tilted and it poured everywhere, ruining what had already existed. The problem with the girl’s response was that she lacked empathy for her friend. She misunderstood the girl’s intentions and responded with what seemed natural: anger. Her anger could have been prevented if there would have been a discussion such as the one in the Roots of Empathy classroom.

I learned emotional literacy through my interactions with my mom. She allowed me to express how I was feeling without passing judgment. The biggest thing that helped me learn empathy was the validation of my feelings. I was able to cry over a cut on my leg, name the emotion, and know that it was ok to feel hurt. A memory that allowed me to grasp the idea of someone else’s feelings and intentions was when a friend in school had lost her dad. For months at a time, I could not understand why my friend had started lashing out in school. As an adult, it is easy to relate the death with the behavior, but as a child, that understanding only gradually became apparent. My mom was the one who helped me understand why my friend was having behavioral problems in school. I remember her sitting me down and explaining what had happened to my friend’s dad. She listed off what it was my friend had been doing at school and then asked me how I felt about it. My mom had made suggestions and told me that I should speak to my friend about her feelings. This same approach is what the Roots of Empathy program has developed to help children grasp this concept. They want students to name the emotion, anchor the emotion privately through reflection, and then begin to express their feelings with others (p. 125). By doing this, the child is able to gain capacity in their thought, as well as how to understand the world around them. I believe once someone can pinpoint their own emotions, and then understand them in others, they have reached the full potential for emotional literacy. In my case, my mother truly helped me embrace this concept and allowed me to explore how to interact and understand others’ emotions. Gordon made a statement that, “…We as adults stretch emotionally ourselves as we gain invaluable insights into the emotional lives of our children” (p. 116). This quote will forever stay with me as I choose to pursue a career working with kids. I learned the value of emotional literacy through my mother’s actions and in return, want to do the same for my future children and students.