The Power of Raw Emotion and Communication

Sarah B wrote this first entry on
chapter 8, and she's pictured here with
her mother. She said they've "broken
through barriers" and are now best
friends: "I can't wait to be just like
her, and display for my children the
honesty and openness she shares
with me on a daily basis!"

In order to appreciate what goes on in the minds of others, whether children or adults, communication must be raw and real. Honesty allows for insight into others’ lives, and can be influential on many levels. I remember as a child seeing my parents in a role that did not include emotions or feelings. They were the law and there was no emotion in that. Gordon describes in chapter nine how people can build bridges to become closer in relationships, growing through other’s experiences, and learning how to communicate.

When I was a child, my parents had to make a life changing decision to move from Southern California to the Central Valley. My heart was crushed because I had to leave my friends, my school, and my grandmother who had been there for me on so many occasions.  I hated my parents, but I refused to use my words to tell them. Instead, I used my actions to take that risk. I glared at them every chance I got; I came home late in the evenings and refused to talk to them on a one-on-one level. This all changed when I walked into my mother’s room unannounced. I caught her sitting on her bed crying. This was an emotion I did not realize my parents experienced. Her crying was so raw that it struck a nerve in me. I sat down next to her and we talked for hours.

This was a powerful moment for me, and I’ve realized just how similar it was to the moments that the students experienced in Gordon’s chapter. Specifically, it was similar to when the students watched their instructor cry when talking about bullying. The instructor’s feelings were turned in to a reality for the children, and gave them an opportunity to see how their actions and words can still affect someone later on in life. The students were able to draw connections with her which allowed for the communication to be authentic. The instructor “… was willing to trust and respect the children, sharing experiences and emotions that were important to her on the deepest level” (p. 138). This incident reminded me of my mother who let her guard down with me and shared her emotions about moving, the fears she had for my sister and me going to a new school, and the uncertainty of what life would be like in a new city. She opened the door for me to be real with her by being real, open, and honest with me. She taught me how to express my feelings and emotions in a healthy manner.

The Roots of Empathy program allows for children to see the parent/child role in a completely new way. This can be seen as a direct result of the process of communication that is honest and open. The children are now better equipped, according to Gordon, to: “…connect more closely with their own families” (p. 140).

I have longed to be a mother my whole life; I have learned from Gordon that it is important as a parent and especially as an adult that the “…respect we convey to the children in our words, gestures, and facial expressions is internalized and evolves into a strong sense of self and competence that endures” (p. 141). My mother’s relationship with me grew because of needed emotional connection. What she didn’t know was that her vulnerability and willingness to communicate her honest feelings with me will stay with me forever. Every time I have to deal with a hard situation or deal with a struggle in my life, that moment with my mother will continue to help guide me into a sense of self. I can bounce my feelings and emotions off of the spring board she gave me. She made me realize that it was okay to be afraid or to be hurt, and that as long as I stay open and honest with myself and with others, I can build bridges between friends, family, and even strangers as a support system. We are all human and with a little effort, we can connect and be authentic on a deeper level that leads to rich, fulfilling relationships and lives.